When You Need Me

You are Not Alone

A/N - Special early release for kashariak...And, technically, it *is* already tomorrow in the UK, so...😉😂

The following day, after getting a grand total of 4 hours of restless sleep, Dec was taciturn and grumpy, silently picking at his breakfast while his mam tried again and again to bring him out of his shell. Finally giving up on his food, Dec decided to at least drink the strong tea his mam had handed him – he needed something to wake him up, after all – and mumbled that he was going out on the back deck for a bit. Settling down in a deck chair, Dec's mind wandered as he took in the tranquility of the morning. He loved his mam to bits, but she could get a bit smothering at times. And he appreciated her attempts at helping him, counseling him, but in his current exhausted, totally stressed out state, she wasn't really doing him any favors by constantly bringing up everything he'd come here to try to forget.

Hearing a ping on his phone notifying him of a work email arriving in his inbox, Dec pulled his phone out of his trouser pocket, eyeing it suspiciously. It was an email from Georgia, their talent manager. Dec frowned. The management team knew he was on vacation, and they wouldn't normally bother him unless something important was happening. Placing his tea on the wooden slats of the deck, he hesitantly opened the email, a nervous dread pooling in his belly. Only to immediately let out a stressed sigh as he saw a short message from Georgia followed by an attached story from The Sun.

"Hate to bother you while on vacay, but thought you ought to know the tabloids are starting to get hold of rumours. We might not be able to hide this much longer. G x"

Underneath was a link to an article....Although the urge to just smash his phone to the ground was strong, Dec forced himself to open the hyperlink – already knowing what he would find – and was immediately faced with multiple photos of Ant, Anne-Marie, and her two daughters, paired with a headline about Ant looking "happy and relaxed" while out shopping with a "female pal." Laying his phone on his thigh with a trembling hand, Dec rubbed at his eyes for a moment, his anxiety level rising, before lifting his phone again and starting to meticulously study the photos of Ant.

It felt like ages since he'd last seen Ant, while in fact it had only been a week. He just couldn't get used to this whole "not living down the road from each other" concept. He hated being so far away from Ant, and again his heart stung painfully when he remembered how Ant had explained he wanted to be closer to Anne-Marie. They'd always lived close by, he and Ant, and even though it had already been about a month since Ant moved, it was hard to wrap his mind around the fact that there was a half hour's drive separating them. He fully understood Ant's need to get away from the area where he'd built a life with Lisa – it was still quite awkward walking past what used to be Ant and Lisa's home – but still his smarting mind took it the wrong way, telling itself that Ant had moved away because Dec wasn't a good enough friend. That he hadn't been there for Ant, that Ant hated him for not realizing how much he was suffering, for being selfish and continuing on with their TV shows despite Ant's need for extended time away from the spotlight.

Deep down, Dec knew his mind was spewing lies at him, born of a deep-seated insecurity in his own worth. Ant could never hate him, he knew that, but still his mind could torture him with the possibility that Ant might hate him, and just was very good at pretending not to. Still studying the photos of Ant, Dec felt a spark of pride in his heart at how well he was doing. He was far from well, that much was obvious – he was still far too frail-looking for a start – but he already was loads better than he had been a few short months ago. Ant had been working so hard to make himself a better man, to get well, and Dec was extremely proud of him. At the end of the day, he honestly didn't care if they ever made a comeback on telly. That was the least of his worries.