The Nothings

Tabitha (Chapter Twenty One)

    Tabitha woke up on the cold, hard floor of the bathroom as the freezing air conditioning came through the metal vent near her head. She tried to sit up, but she felt so nauseous that she almost threw up . She was naked except for her underwear so she found an old shirt of Mike's in the hamper and pulled it over her head and used her blanket as a skirt. 

She finally managed to stand up and listened for sounds outside the door. Had Kate left? Had Ellis? Was Mike home yet? She sure hoped not. She didn't know what time it was though, and she groaned at the realization she would have to pick Jamie up soon. Tabitha didn't know if she could leave the bathroom; much less walk two blocks over and pick up her nephew. She was contemplating what to do when there was a knock.

  "Tabitha? Are you okay?" It was Joan.

  "No."

  "Let me in."

   So Tabitha unlocked the door, and the girl came in and sat down. Her face was pale and she looked a little sickly herself, but she was carrying a cup of coffee (Tabitha cringed at the memory of coffee) and some bread and butter which she said always cured her Step-Mom's hang overs. Tabitha took the coffee, but the thought of food made her stomach turn so she thanked Joan for it but no thanks. Not right now, she said.

  "What happened last night?" Joan asked. "I woke up and heard you crying. I would have come to you, but I was too busy vomiting all night."

  "I don't want to talk about it," Tabitha said honestly. "It's over, and that's all that matters."

  "What's over?" Joan persisted. "Hey, we're best friends. You have to tell me these things."

  "... We're best friends?"

  "Sure. I mean, not like you and Kate, but we're tight."

  "Well, for one I never want to hear that name ever again," Tabitha felt on the verge of tears just thinking about... her.

  "Why?" Joan was surprised. "I thought you guys were kind of... an item? It was only a matter of time before you were anyway."

  "So I thought," Tabitha said, "but she's been sleeping with Ellis."

  "WHAT?" Joan couldn't believe it. "She fucked Ellis? Who in their right mind would hook up with him?"

  "Tell me about it!" Tabitha got angry just thinking about it. "I know Kate and I weren't dating so it isn't like she cheated on me, but Ellis? He's a terrible person. How could she be with someone like that?"

 "... He is kind of cute," Joan said thoughtfully. "Plus that whole 'I'm so fucked up' image is kind of my thing, but I still don't think I'd have sex with him. Maybe after he was in therapy for about ten more years."

  "How nice," Tabitha smirked as she sipped her coffee.

  "So what happened?" Joan asked. "How did you find out? Which one told you?"

  "Ellis," Tabitha said quietly. "Kate never said anything about it. It apparently happened after Elizabeth's funeral."

  "Keeping it classy."

  "Yeah. I just... I wish she would have told me," Tabitha wiped away a tear that fell despite the fact she was trying very hard to hold it together. "She was probably vulnerable, and shit happens. I get that! Her not telling me is what really hurts. Plus it was... Ellis. She couldn't say no to Ellis? Who else has she not said no to? Is she just into me because she's looking for affection anywhere she can get it?"

  "She's into you?" Joan had her eyebrows up. "Did she admit she was?"

  Tabitha felt her face grow hot just thinking about what had happened the night before and how amazing it felt to finally touch Kate. She'd wanted to for so long, and she had finally had her chance, but it was taken away. 

"We..."

  Tabitha stopped; embarrassed.

  "OH!" Joan's eyes were wide. "So you guys had sex?"

  "No!" Tabitha couldn't look Joan in the eye. "We just... fooled around a little."

  "But you wanted to?"

  "We were going to, I think... but then Ellis walked in."

  "Oh my God," Joan burst out laughing but loudly clapped a hand over her mouth to stop herself. "I'm so sorry."

  "It isn't funny."

  "It's a little funny."

  "Shut up."

  "Sorry. Really. So what happened?"

  "Ellis got angry. He told me what happened, and I left," Tabitha said quietly. "It's so fucked up and stupid. I've never been in this kind of situation before."

  "I think you need to talk to Kate," Joan said after a moment. "Your relationship with her is way more important than stupid Ellis. So she made a mistake? So what? I once kissed Kyle Thomas on a field trip when I was dating Wes Donaldson and totally regretted it the second after it happened. I told him, apologized and begged forgiveness, and we dated for six months."

  "What happened between you?"

  "I decided I really did like Kyle later and dumped Wes. He was so up-tight that he refused to even touch my boobs. He was so fucking boring. Kyle was way more fun."

  Tabitha narrowed her eyes. "This story is not helping."

  "Sorry," Joan shrugged. "We were in junior high though so I think you and Kate are probably more mature. You can work it out." 

  "I'm not sure that we are," Tabitha admitted. "We're both pretty new to romantic relationships... being the nothings that we are."

  "This is just a set back," Joan said. "Who cares who she slept with before? She's into you now."

 "I just wish I knew she really wanted to be with me because she loves me and not just because... you know... I'm there," Tabitha said and helplessly shrugged. She wished she had someone a little more mature to discuss her problems with, but the only person she could think of was Kate.

  "I just don't want to be used," Tabitha said, and she felt very vulnerable admitting this as the two girls sat on the cold bathroom floor.

  "Well, I can understand that, but you know she loves you, and she's been a great friend to you ever since you guys met. Fuck, you talk about her all the time, and you guys are constantly together and finishing each other's sentences," Joan reminded her. "I find her kind of annoying and bossy sometimes, but you obviously really care about her so I think she deserves another chance."

  "Yeah?" Tabitha asked. 

  "Yeah, I guess," Joan shrugged. "Do you want me to go pick up Jamie? You look like you could use a serious nap."

  "That would be great," Tabitha said as Joan helped her up. "You don't mind?"

  "Nah," Joan said. "I borrowed a ten from your purse to buy this coffee and some hair dye for myself so I guess I owe you."

  "Thanks Joan. And stay out of my purse."

  "You got it."