false sense of hope (armin arlert x reader) complete ☆

❁ i'm sorry ❁ chapter 4

( hi again! so this next one gets pretty sad, it's only downhill from here so be prepared.. ily guys, see you at the bottom )

"how old were we?" i spoke almost at a whisper still struggling to fight back the ever growing pain in my chest

armin lightly smiled to himself before shifting his gaze to the blissful night sky, following his lead i peered out into the deep blue sky smothered in little shimmering stars. finally releasing all his tension and taking a light breath in,

"maybe, four or five.." he murmured with his eyes still on the stars

i couldn't help but glance back at the blond, the stars reflecting in his ocean blue eyes, his soft blond hair appeared silvery golden in the moonlight as it lightly flowed with the wind. the mere sight of him made me flustered with emotions

oh how i longed to cherish all the memories we once had

he easily noticed me staring at him causing the blond to shift his view, his blue eyes meeting my (e/c) ones once more. he didn't look annoyed with me though, his expression softened to a close-eyed smile as he lifted his hand to pet my soft (h/c) hair

" h- how old are we now?" i asked taking note we most definitely aren't 5

as if my words brought armin back to reality, he lightly giggled at the ridiculous question, opening his eyes to catch my gaze once more before returning his view to the moon

"18 this year (y/n)" he softly spoke, hints of remorse shown through his voice 

"oh.." i trailed off, bringing my view to the wooden floor of the wagon

it feels as if someone else lived this life for me, why am i still here..

is my only purpose to hurt him?

i need to get my memories back even only for a brief moment.. i- i can't

i can't leave him like this

armin must have noticed how his response had shaken me quite a bit, without looking back down towards me, the blond held me closer to him

the stinging aches from before never left my side as i grew more and more uncomfortable.. but knowing everything armin had to push through, i'm determined to fix this. a spark of hope filled me once more as i began asking further questions

"where are we headed?" i whispered

"back to levi and hange.. where we can hopefully get you proper medical attention" he stated gently,

nothing

"family..?"

"(y-y/n).." he promptly looked down in my direction

slightly put off with this question he froze a moment before responding

"they passed away many years ago (y/n)" he started again "me, mikasa and eren were your closest form of family since"

"mm" i mumbled in an understanding tone

but how important was he to me

"armin.. how close were we" i weakly questioned

armin turned his view away from me.. my words must've hurt him

"we were close (y/n).." he softly replied

that's not enough

"how.. close" i barely managed to get words out at this point i could feel myself washing in and out of consciousness like waves on a beach, everything burns

i felt armin pull away slightly, i moved my view over to the blond in hopes of meeting his soft gaze once more. but instead all i could see was his fluffy golden hair..

armin's head was turned away from me with his hair blocking my vision of his delicate features, i could see tears streaming down his chin as he finally spoke

"(y/n)- i.." he took in a shaky breath "i proposed to you, on what was thought to be-"  he tensed up for a moment then let out the breath

"the last place i'd ever see you again" he whispered as his voice was barely making it out of him at this point

the realization quickly washed over me, i couldn't bring myself to respond as tears slowly glossed over my dull (e/c) eyes

i- i don't know what to do..

( god- i'm really putting armin though it huh.. sorry if your character doesn't respond the way you want her to, but you have to remember she's slowly dying and has none of her memories.. no one could really think properly in that kind of situation so some of her answers are bland and broken. ty for getting this far in the story! meet you on the next page <3 )