𝐞𝐜𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐲, shawn mendes

i | 'you've come so far'

venus carerra
15/10/18
5:38pm
san francisco, usa

The comforting sound of the doorbell echoes around the bookstore as I unravel my apron, stringing it up on the hanger with an impatient sigh.

"I'm just closing, sorry." I shout impulsively from the back room, popping my head out of the door to see if it's one of our regular customers.

"Only me." My godmother-turned-boss shouts back, her familiar voice calming my underlying nerves for tonight. "I know you've got a big gig, so I thought I'd close for you."

"You're my hero, Dina." I thank her, emerging from the back room and smoothing down tonight's outfit. "Does this outfit look ok?" I gesture to my clothes, a loose red silk dress I borrowed from the back of my mom's closet and some lace up heels Marisa bought me for my birthday.

"Perfect, honey." She tells me, "A star, like always."

"Why, thank you." I mock-curtsy, a smile spreading across my face.

"I'll let you go, now." She smiles back. "You'll do great, I know it's a big one tonight. Do me a favour and kill it out there, and then you won't have to work here for the rest of your life."

"Would that really be so bad?" I chuckle, the bell ringing again as I leave the store, wrapping my cold arms around myself for warmth. I rest my back against the shop window, waiting for a lift to the bar from my best friends, Axel and Marisa.

I drop them a text on our group chat after waiting in the cold for a couple of minutes, anxiously awaiting the arrival of 6pm. My set was due to start then, and by set I mean the two songs the bar manager had permitted me to sing before the main act came on. They were some up-and-coming indie band, not my style at all. Yet I couldn't help but feel a pang of unwarranted jealousy at their name written on the chalkboard in a larger font than mine was. One day, I told myself. One day.

"Yo, V!" I hear Axel shout, making me snap out of my thoughts. "C'mon, we've got 15 minutes to get all the way across the city."

I stride across the pavement in my uncomfortable heels, reaching my hand out and opening the car door for myself. "Better drive fast, then."

"So, how you feeling?" Marisa asks, turning round from the front seat and grinning. "Nervous? Excited?"

"Terrified. In a good way." I reply, "I've never been this scared for a show before."

"A hundred people." Axel sighs dreamily, turning down a side road. "You've come so far, V."

"So far." Marisa reiterates, "We were just saying how proud we are of you."

"I love you guys, you know that?" I reply, reaching my hands out to touch their shoulders. "You're the greatest people in the universe."

"We love you too." Axel smiles from the drivers seat, catching my eye in the overhead mirror. I chuckle, tucking a strand of hair behind my head and mentally chiding myself for my girlish behaviour around him. There's nothing there between us, not really. Just the glances he gives me occasionally. It's been happening for so long that I've convinced myself it means nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Marisa remains as oblivious to the moment I shared with her twin brother— as always, reaching forward to switch the radio station. "Can't listen to those noises you call music anymore, Ax."