letters to no one

Dear Past,

stop destroying my future. you haunt my dreams and torture my mind. there is only so much guilt my conscience can take. I don't want to give up on a future I've never gotten to experience because of what I've been through. no one deservesthat. 

all of the things have happened to me that I could have prevented and a lot has happened that I couldn't have. but that id what tears me up inide. it's the thought that I could have stopped my past and changed my future. I hate the thought that this is all some part of one messed up a plan to make me a stronger person. but to be honest it doesn't make me feel a thing it is the thing that breaks me from the inside out. I feel weak and vulnerable. im scared to disappoint anyone. I hate losing things because I have lost those who were closest to me. 

I fight every day to see a future I'm probably going to disappoint anyway. why do I bother? it not like any of this is important. my day is the same. evry single day. I have experienced death, leaving those who I consider siblings, bullying and being stabbed int in back by my best friend. I've had the thing I love most in the world ripped out of my grasp. I've been told that my dream job is just out of my reach because of something I can't control. 

you dont understrand how many tears i have wasted on yiou. you dont understand the pain you have caused. I wish I could forget you