proulge

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Macie's POV

Broken like glass, I lay on the ground sobbing. I slide down the door and just like her I’m slowly dying. She wasn’t as fucked up in the head as people thought though. Yeah she killed herself, but she didn’t mean to. At least that’s what it looked like. She just wasn’t hungry or was on a diet. It was the cat, she was cold.

I didn’t mean it.

I knew what she was doing, were she was heading. And I leaving her and giving up on her too was the last fucking straw for her. And her dying, well shits going to get ugly for us all, a whole lot uglier.

She was like a crow on wire and I was the shine and distraction that made her fly. But in the end, her wings got cut and she fell and no one was there to catch her so she crashed and burned and each day as she sat their crying and pleading for help, no one gave a damn, no one came to save her and make her happy.

She was silent but her face said it all. She was ready to leave, to die. That was the goal the whole time. Not to just become skinny, but to weigh nothing, to die. And I knew this, I was part of the plan in helping her slowly fade away and then completely be wiped off the face of this earth. I am to blame.

I realize this as I slide down the locked door of my bathroom.
My parents, they feel it too, that I’m going to do something bad. I want to. The urge is so damn strong. I want to feel the blade slowly sliding across my pale and ill skin. I want to draw again.

“Macie, open the door.”

I say nothing.

“Do as your mother tells you.”

Im mute.

“Dammit Macie I will bust this god damn door down if I have to!”

I unluck the door and scoot over just an inch, just enough so they can see Im not dead that Im alive. They don’t know it yet but Im getting bad again. Before “THE DAY OUR LIFE FELL APART” my parents wouldn’t have suspected a thing. But now, after “THE DAY OUR LIFE FELL APART”, they now have a reason to check up on me.

Im done though, I hardly care what they think now. I don’t give 1, or 2, or 3 or any number of shits about them. They didn’t know me well enough to see the pain behind the mask. But when my older brother came home to me with a bottle of pills in my hand and blades on the tabel, he was so scared he told me a very dark secret, well showed me that is. His wrist, underneath the jacket and the long sleeve and the bracelts were scars. And a few recent ones.

“Were both deying.” I had told him.

“No.” He had said. “I threw my blades away. I threw it all away. You should too.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Unlike you Adam, I’m weak as fuck.”

That afternoon he learned just how much of a changed person I had become. It was the first cuss word he would hear from me, but no way would it be the last.

“Fuck you.” I had told him. “I want to leave this messed up place! I want to be done here why can’t you just understand that?”

“I can’t watch you die. I love you, your my damn sister, you can’t leave me to battle my depression alone. We can get through it together.”

I said fine. I swore not to tell.

That was the day our life fell apart officially.

He went and told my parents. They took me to a hospital and then two days later I tried to kill myself and my brother came in and saw me swallowing the pills. IT WAS AT 2AM HE WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE AWAKE.

Now Ellenas gone and I want to die and I want to leave and be with her. I want to at least, at the very least, visit heaven or hell or wherever shes at and I want to tell her that Im so sorry.

But I can’t, for now at least I can’t all I want to do though is die, to be zero.

A/N

Hello! Heres a new story it will probably be slower and longer updates but oh well. WARNING: This book will have profanity and talk about death, eating disorders, depression, selfharm and suiced. There may be makeout or talk of sex or things of that nature but no legit sex sence will be taking place. I just thought I should let you know :D 

Have a good day/night

Peace, Im out!

X

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