Precious Self in the Storm • Seokjin [✔]

2 - Fall Apart

WARNING: in depth description of some depression symptoms.

*****

Jungkook hovered over him one afternoon.

"You haven't cooked in a while, hyung," he said, draping himself over Seokjin from the back of the couch.

Jin only pursed his lips and continued scrolling down Crunchy Roll on their HD smart television. "If you're hungry there's some pizza in the fridge you can heat up. Or go order something."

"That's not what I mean, hyung," Jungkook whined, "I mean your cooking. Food that you cooked. You haven't made them in a while."

"I'll cook when I'm in the mood for it."

"From what I remembered, the last time you were in the mood was three months ago."

Seokjin turned to face Jungkook, the younger's lip already pulled into a pout. He sighed fondly and stroked Jungkook's arm.

"I'll make breakfast for you guys tomorrow okay? If you miss my homemade food that much."

Jungkook's pout turned into a little smile. And he contently nodded before running off, presumably to bother Jimin. Jin returned his attention to the TV with a sigh.

It's been nearly twenty minutes, and he has yet to find anything watch-worthy.

Seokjin had been reluctant to tell Jungkook this, but the reason he had stopped cooking was because nothing feels tasty anymore.

His taste buds work just fine – he's sure of that. The problem comes when the food is served in front of him, in which any kind of appetite he had would just slip away no matter how hungry he is. He tried seasoning and flavoring his food as best as he can, and yet at the end they look nothing more than plain rice served on a plate.

Seokjin finally gave up trying to find a decent movie and stood up to head to the kitchen. Might as well do the dishes.

A gigantic pile of dirty plates and bowls towered in the sink, a quarter of those most likely from Jimin, Taehyung, and Hoseok's annual ice cream eating competition. Which was held two weeks ago.

Seokjin scrunched up his nose at the putrid smell of dirty dishes. He's usually the one on cleaning duty, but lately he's just been feeling too out of it to actually do anything useful.

His cooking utensils lay forgotten around the kitchen. Seokjin brushed his fingers on top of one frying pan that used to be his favorite. He pulled it away to see a layer of dust had settled on top.

Seokjin stared at his finger. And stared and stared and stared. Out of nowhere his eyes began stinging, and before he knew it the first tear drop rolled down his cheek.

You haven't cooked in a while.

Now he's outright sobbing, gripping the kitchen counter for dear life.

Seokjin cursed under his breath. This has been happening too much lately. There's been one too many times where he'd feel dull nothingness for days but the moment a single minor inconvenience happens he turns into a blubbering mess.

He stayed in that position for god knows how long, frozen as his tears dropped to his dusty pan.

The sudden sounds of someone coming downstairs made him immediately straighten up. He quickly wiped his eyes, turned to tap water on, and grabbed a plate to seem like he was in the middle of washing the dishes.

Without looking Seokjin could tell it was Yoongi who had just popped to the living room.

"I'm going out to the studio," he stated, though by the tone of it he didn't really care whether anyone had heard or not.