Love & Second Chances

Chapter Nine - Elizabeth's POV

As the day stretched on, I found myself more and more confused when it came to all of the things that were unfolding around me. There were only two things of which I was certain. First of all, I was almost completely alone now. And second, I was undeniably in love with my closest friend, Garrett Blackbourne. I still could not quite fully grasp how the latter had come to pass. It certainly had not been my intention to do so, but it happened regardless. Looking back on our time together, I realized that it could have well enough begun before he had even left in the first place. Twelve years old was a young age for such things, but it was possible that I had begun to develop slight feelings for him at that time.

All of the signs were pointing back to such a conclusion. My state of being was the most peculiar and pitiful it had ever been. I had been having trouble falling asleep at night. When it came to eating, I had next to no appetite at all. Mother had taken to forcing me to eat instead of her original idea of starving me. Although she still did not allow me to eat too much. At the very least, it was a relief that she was not criticizing me about it as much. However, I did feel a tad bit guilty for my father, who had been a nervous wreck.

Garrett was constantly on my mind. Not only in my waking hours, but also while I was asleep. I even dreamt of him last night. It had horrified me beyond belief. I dreamt that I had gone to have dinner with him at his estate, and confessed my feelings to him while we ate. The moment I told him how I felt, he immediately put down his fork and began to laugh at me, asking me how I expected him to feel the same after what my sister had done. While I knew that it was just a dream, It had scared me and made me question whether it might be true in a way.

It had been just three days since the incident in which Alice had told me that she never wanted to see me again. No one knew exactly what had happened during her last music lesson, but the fact that the coachman had been forced to drag her out of the carriage was enough to tell me that she had behaved improperly. My mind had imagined over a million scenarios as to what happened by now. The image that came to mind the most was that of Alice forcing herself on him, and that startled me terribly. My innocent little sister was gone.

You never knew how much you missed someone until they were gone. That proverb had become one that I knew better than anything else lately. It felt as though I was losing everyone at once. As though everyone suddenly hated me for some unknown reason. I could not understand why that was the case because I had always tried my best to be good. I had tried to be a good sister, yet it seemed that had not been enough. It seemed that no amount of effort was enough to please the ones I cared about. They never even acknowledged that I had tried. Instead, they just seemed to hate me.

I was growing so tired of trying to please them. It did not seem to do anything but make me miserable. Maybe the issue was that I cared too much. Garrett had never had such a problem because he never cared about things such as society protocol and pleasing others. In a way, I wished that I had his life. Unlike me, he lived on his own. While that lifestyle might get lonely at times, at least there was no one for him to disappoint. He could do whatever he wanted.

However, these thoughts only made me want him even more. I was in desperate need of comfort, but no one was willing to do so. All I wanted was some type of relief from the storm raging around me. Be that in a reassuring remark or the end of the world as we knew it, I did not care at that moment. I wanted to be loved by Garrett, but I also wanted the love of my little sister again, and it seemed that I could not have both. It all seemed so hopeless.

There came a knock on my door at that time. Then, without waiting for me to answer, my mother opened the door and stepped into the room. Of course, she would choose to bother me at the worst possible moment of my life. Sometimes it felt like she did not care about me at all. Why could she not just leave me alone? Surely she had not come to comfort me.