Love & Second Chances

Chapter Nineteen - Elizabeth's POV

Every eye in the room fell upon me as I walked down the aisle of St. George's Cathedral in London, on the arm of my father, who walked at my side. The dreaded day of my wedding had finally arrived. A woman's wedding day was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. I was well aware that there were probably thousands of women who would love to trade places with me, but that changed nothing about how I felt. I was dressed in a beautiful, white, off the shoulder dress, yet I found myself wishing that I was wearing black instead. For that was how I felt. There was no pride or joy to be felt on this solemn occasion. Only anger and despair that I was forced to suppress.

My eyes discreetly glanced about the room, searching for any faces that I recognized and might help me feel a bit more at ease, but the only ones I recognized were that of my mother and sister, whom I would have preferred to not see. There were very few wedding guests in the room that I knew. Most of the people who were present in the Cathedral seemed to be friends of the Governor and his family whom I had not met yet. I felt as if I was being thrust into a new world where everyone was scrutinizing my every movement. The message in their eyes was the same as that of my mother. Everything about me had to be perfect, as it would have to be for the rest of my life.

My husband to be stood at the end of the aisle with the minister and his best man, Andrew Holland, who I had briefly met the day before, during the wedding rehearsal. The three of them watched me carefully as if they thought I might trip over the hem of my dress before I reached the altar.

The thought angered me. I had accepted that there was no way that I was going to get out of this arranged marriage, even though I was far from happy about it. The groom could fall down a flight of stairs and break his nose for all I cared, but there was no way I was going to disgrace myself in such a public place. I might have been sold like a slave, but I had my dignity. I would hold my head up high and play the part of an elegant bride if only to prove them all wrong.

No sooner had I arrived at the altar and was standing next to Charles, the minister stepped forward to begin the ceremony.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation, to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony, which is an honorable estate, instituted of God in the time of man's innocency."

The minister continued, reading from The Book of Common Prayer as he further emphasized that marriage was not meant to be taken lightly or wantonly. He went on for several minutes, speaking out against man's carnal lusts and appetite, and how they were basically brute beasts with no understanding. As I heard that, I could not help but think back on those last hours I spent with Garrett. Oh, how wonderful that night was. I did feel a bit guilty for having allowed it to happen, but I doubted that I would ever completely regret it.

It was a custom with the Gilmore family that the bride repents of her sins on the day before her wedding to ensure that she would be pure. Though I knew that I was not, I still took the opportunity to repent of that one sin in particular. I was supposed to leave everything of my former life behind when I married the governor's son, and since no one had discovered it, it would be easy to leave, as much as I wished that I did not have to. If I had the choice, I would never have even stepped into this Cathedral in the first place. If it had been my decision, I would have married Garrett instead.

"Therefore if any man can shew any just cause why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter forever hold his peace," the minister continued.

I could probably think of over a hundred reasons why we should not be married, but one stern glance from my mother, who was seated towards the front, was enough to remind me that I had no say in this what-so-ever. I hated that. There was nothing that I wanted more than to be able to control my own life instead of having it constantly controlled by others. That was one of the only good things about this wedding. After today I would be a married woman, and therefore would have some authority and power.