Gloom Boys - Brallon

nauseous

Dallon can't stop thinking about the night in the tent. 

They stayed out there two more days, but then Dallon's dad needed to mow the grass. 

He thinks about the feeling of Brendon's skin on his. How his touch was euphoric. 

Dallon felt nothing but bliss with Brendon's hands on him, his fingers make him feel pins and needles everywhere. 

He grasps at his hair in the memory, missing Brendon. 

Dallon doesn't feel like bothering his boyfriend tonight, so he keeps his phone turned off.

He then remembers the amount of cuts, scars, and bruises on Brendon's body and he feels nauseous. 

The boy knows that Brendon saw the cuts on his wrists, but he didn't say anything. He doesn't know the reason, yet he understands perfectly. 

Dallon climbs out his window and sits on the roof, looking up at the moon. 

Dallon wonders what it would be like, being up on the moon with no one to worry about. It might be nice, but it also might be lonely, up there all alone. 

He loves Brendon, he loves him so fucking much that it makes his chest hurt.

Dallon knows that he is going to lose him, but he doesn't want to think about that. 

Brendon is weak, he's not meant for this world. Everyone has always turned him down, made him feel useless, all except for Dallon. 

Dallon always does his best to let Brendon know that he is capable of anything, and yet it never feels like enough. 

Dallon feels his throat get tight, and his eyes water when he thinks of when  he is going to lose Brendon. It could be tonight. It could be in a month from now. 

He doesn't have a eulogy written. Would he even be able to speak? Would he be able to breathe without Brendon? 

He wouldn't. He has promised the boy that he would go away with him. 

His eyes begin to water as he gets overwhelmed at the thought. Dallon just wants to hold Brendon now, to hug and kiss him, but instead, he picks up the blade and writes love notes in the blood from his thighs.