Panic // Billie Eilish

N I N E

Talia's POV

I pick at my macaroni cheese with my fork as my Mom continues to blabber on about her work life. Usually, I would pay more attention to her, as I am genuinely interested in her job, but over the past couple of weeks, I find myself zoning out of every single conversation I have with anyone.

Anyone but Billie.

I find everything she does fascinating.

Like how she curls her bottom lip in concentration when she is writing music.

Or how when I pretend to sleep, she traces her fingers over my face. Some would find this creepy, but I find it comforting, knowing she's trying to memorise all my facial features.

One thing I really can't handle, is when she ignores me when texting other people she is fucking around with. Boys specifically. She promised me that she isn't with any other girls, but the fact that she is hooking up with anyone else, in general, is screwing with my head.

And the fact that that is screwing with my head, is screwing with my head.

Billie told me that she was straight, the first day we met. Was she lying?

And am I straight? Bisexual maybe? Gay even?

"Talia, honey?" I snap out of my trance, looking up at my Mom. "You not hungry?"

"Oh, it's delicious, I just..." I put my fork down "Yeh, guess I'm just not hungry"

"Something on your mind? Am I boring you with my work stories?"

I giggle. "Of course not. Stuck in my thoughts sorry"

"Maybe I can help"

Maybe talking to someone about this would help. Maybe she could help me figure out my situation with Billie. But then again, she doesn't know Tristan and I broke up, and she is our biggest Stan.

And then there's the other factor - the part in which Billie is a girl and I am also a girl. I don't know how Mom would react.

"Nah, it's okay"

My Mom nods, giving me an understanding smile, but I can tell she's disappointed that I can't tell her what's playing on my mind. "What time do you have to be at Conan's?"

"I don't know if I'll go, I have a lot of studying to do," I lie.

"Talia, you need to go see your friends. Is Tristan going?"

I gulp, my stomach twisting as I wonder whether I should tell her.

"Tristan and I broke up," I say squeezing my eyes shut, not wanting to see the look on my Moms face.

It's finally it out. Thank god.

"I know"

"You know?"

"Amber told me," She says, referring to Tristan's mom. "Us mothers keep in close contact you know. Amber was really devastated on the phone. So was I to be completely honest. And apparently, Tristan isn't coping too well"

"Listen, I know you loved Tristan, but he just wasn't right for me. And I wasn't right for him, so please don't tell me to get back togeth-"

"I support your decision. It's not my decision to make, honey"

I nod, surprised as she usually likes to make decisions for me. I'm about to say something when my phone rings.

"Take it, honey, I better get back to work," Mom says, grabbing our bowls.

I slide my finger across the screen, accepting Conan's phone call.

"Where are you?" He demands, splashing going on in the background. They must be swimming.