Panic // Billie Eilish

T E N

I watch as Conan adds yet another flavour of frozen yoghurt into his cup. I'd never knock having a huge variety of flavours in one cup, but It's difficult not to question how someone could stomach mint choc chip, mixed with peanut butter, banana, watermelon and coconut and a bunch of different toppings.

"Why don't you do yourself a favour, and tell her that you just can't... yanno... anymore?"

I guess you could say that my taste is muted. Whenever I get Fro-Yo, I always get the same combo. Strawberry and Hershey's cookies and cream with gummy worms.

"I don't think it's gonna be that easy Conan" I sigh, as we place the cups to be weighed. Conan's gonna break my bank account with Fro-Yo.

"That'll be fifteen dollars fifty" the dull employee drawls. I pay and then Conan and I thank the boy before proceeding through the exit.

"Besides, what would I say if she asked why I don't want to... yanno... anymore?"

"Literally just say 'thanks so much for getting me through my experimentation phase Bil'. Or you could say that you're now dating Emma..."

I let out a small snort, giving him the side-eye. He's been pushing this Emma thing, but even more, since I told him that I've been fucking Billie. He was extremely pissed at me for not telling him, so that's the story behind buying him ice-cream. "You still trying to push that? Not gonna happen"

"Why not? She's hot, you're hot. Bam, hot babies"

"I don't think you understand how procreation works"

"Obviously, I know that," Conan says, scooping more yoghurt into his mouth. "But just saying, when Emma is dating, she's strictly a one-person type of girl. And you two were vibing"

"But that doesn't matter" I sigh, scooping around the edges of the cup, making a mound of Fro Yo in the centre.

"Why doesn't it matter?"

I pause for a second, contemplating whether I should confess or not. "It doesn't matter, because I'm in love with Billie" I shakily admit.

Conan freezes for a second. "Well, shit" He sighs, brushing his fingers through his hair.

"I loved Tristan, but I don't think I ever was in love with him... It's different with Billie, I never stop thinking about her... I'm literally addicted to her or some shit. Whenever I'm alone with her, she makes me feel wanted" I explain, goofily smiling as I think about Billie. As soon as I look back up at Conan, I see the concern plastered over his face. "What?"

"I'm just scared that you'll get hurt Tals. I mean, I love Bil, don't get me wrong. But... she is hooking up with other people. You know that, right?"

"Yeh, I know, I just-"

"I mean, I think Lexi is even starting to catch feels. She's never been so obsessed with someone's sex skills, as much as Bil's. So that's close enough to love for her as it gets..."

It takes me a few seconds to interpret what Conan says before it finally sinks in. "Wait what?" I say, completely paralysed. Billie told me she wasn't... doing that with Lexi. I can feel my face heat up in embarrassment that I could've thought I was any different to her.

My heart hurts.

"Yeh and Lexi said that she's pretty sure that soon she's going to be having a threesome with Bil and Q soon..." Conan goes on but stops abruptly after realising my mood change. He takes my hand in his. "Babe, it's going to be fine; I'm going to help you get over her. You deserve someone who loves you back. And only you."