While In My Emo Corner...

1

Ever feel that everything around you has failed to answer your call, even God?

It feels shitty, right? Ya well that's how every person feels from now to then. Everything around you seems as though they have just given up on you, like they don't care about anything anymore, its when that happens you start to believe those things. I was stupid and listened to those things, those voices in my head.

I tried cutting, not letting anyone know, it was my source freedom and relief. But then I saw my baby sister after she was born, I couldn't have her do the same thing I was doing to myself, I could never forgive myself if she started cutting. I decided that I would stop, but just because I stopped cutting didn't mean I felt any better, in fact now that the thing that was giving me relief was now gone. I had to find something else to get rid of the pain.

I cut off the front of my hair and made bangs, foolishly I thought no one would notice, since no one around me cared about me anyways. The next morning my mother noticed it first her being the first one up and all, she had thought I did it because I was asking for bangs for the past month anyways. But I lied and said I didn't do it even though I did, I said that they grew out, I couldn't say I did.

I never want to feel like that again, but it never goes away, it never leaves. That guilt, that feeling of being lost and forgotten it never can go away till you find someone who you can consult with. Although not everyone has that someone, some take it to suicides, I almost went that way once, but I didn't have the guts to finish it.

For those who have tried faking their pain and have been 'cutting' themselves then telling people. You are not really in pain, you just want attention, this is the only time I've ever confessed to me doing this stuff and it hurts. I never could get why people would lie and try to make themselves look helpless and struggling even though they aren't.

But then again I should know how that is, for most of my family is like that. Why do some people take the risks? Because they feel like their is nothing left to risk. Please don't be like the rest. I've been there its real. don't put your life in danger just because you think you don't have the strength to overcome it, just like I did.

Dedicated to Anonymous