The person I become

Growing Up

I am a teenage girl who has an D. I. D., but I had knew about this information when I was 15. Yes, I only knew about it for 2 years! D. I. D. stands for Dissociative Identity Disorder. It's known as the multiple personality disorder, so that's why I have different personalities because of my selves. Let me tell you how the king self was born. It all started last year, just a month before my summer vacation.
Flashbacks ~
" Neola, I'm going to be away for 3 weeks, so take care of yourself."
" But mom... why are you leaving?" the 16 years old me asked.
" Work." she simply said. " Usually when I'm away your brother takes care of you, however he's on a 2 weeks school trip with his class."
Before my mother left, she told me there's some money on the desk just in case I need it. She travels to different countries a lot for work, but this was the first time I'm home alone.
Fortunately, I knew how to iron my own clothes, wash them, clean the house and cook my own meals. I learned how to do them thanks to my older brother James.
' Alright, it's show time!' I heard a new voice inside of my head. ' King of royalty at your service.' the new member said.
' It's nice of you to finally join us, king.' knight replied.
' Call me your majesty.'
' Yes, your majesty.'
' Now let's get into business. There's a lot of work to do! We definitely need to have a household work list for the weekends and what to buy!'
' Will you chill out for a second? You're so annoying!' the demon complained.
' How could you say that to your king!? You have orders to follow. Apologize and bow down! ' the king demanded.
' You're no king of mine and I follow no rules around here! Who do you think you are? You're just a pathetic, bossy human being!'
" Cut it out guys, no fighting!" I got into their argument.
I sighed tiredly. Some of them just can't get along with each other and there's no way I could do anything about it.
So how did the week go? Basically my knight and princess switch times taking over during the weeks and then it's the king's turn to take over on the weekends to keep everything under control. I tried not to let the demon comes out too much otherwise it's a disaster in the house.
" Hey kiddo, I'm home!" after 2 long weeks my older brother finally came back.
" Big bro, you're back!" I jumped on him and gave him a tight hug. " I missed you so much!" I said honestly.
" I missed you too, sis. It's weird not having you around."
We spent the weekends together catching up and watched some movies. It was great not having mom around to tell us what to do.
" Sis?" one day, my brother called me from the living room. Mom wasn't back yet. We still had a few days before she comes back.
" Yeah?" I replied loudly, still playing with my phone in my room.
" Can you come here, please? We need to talk. "
" Coming." I walked out of my bedroom and sat down next to my 18 years old brother.
There was an awkward silence for awhile. I decided to say something first.
" So... what do you want to tell me?" my brother finally looked me in the eyes and turned towards my direction.
" Neola, my dear sister..." those ocean blue eyes looked guilty into my dark brown ones. " I'm moving out." I froze.
No. No, this can't be happening.
" W-what? "
" I'm moving out next year, directly after the winter holiday. I already prepared everything. I found a dorm to stay with some roommates, I already packed a few things and I think it's time for me to leave."
" No... No, t-this can't be real!" I screamed angrilyin his face, tears falling freely down my cheeks.
I felt many emotions in me: I feel abandoned, betrayed, vulnerable and most important empty. How could he do this to me!? How could he leave me here alone with my own mother, who doesn't even loves me?
" I'm sorry it has to be this way, sis. I'm sorry." he wiped away the tears with his fingers, but he wasn't able to stop them.
" When... when are you going to tell mom?" he sighed.
" When she comes back. You know this house is too far away from my college, so I rent a dorm near it. " I stared helplessly at him.
" Then I'm coming with you."
" No, Neo! You can't! Mom's the one who will take care of you. She's your guardian, remember? " my brother tried to reason with me, but I wasn't not buying it.
I laughed bitterly.
" You know exactly what's going on with mom and me. She doesn't deserve to be called my mother! She's a monster! You know what? Forget it! You will never understand how that feels cause she loves you, not me! I hate you!" I ran back to my room and locked the door after I entered.
James kept banging on the door, begging me to open up and talk with him, face to face.
" Just leave, James! Leave me just like dad did!! I could never keep my loved ones by my side!!! " I slid down to the floor, hugging both of my knees with my arms.
At that moment I just wanted to disappear. Far, far away from here. I hated it. I hated everything about my life. It's not fair! Life's so unfair for me. What did I do to deserve these pain and sorrow? I just can't take it anymore.
" Please, sis... Let me in..." then he stopped.
I thought he gave up, but soon I heard footsteps coming back and it ended right outside of my bedroom door. He started to play with his guitar and sang a song I knew by heart. Open up by Matt Simons.
" You're hard to talk to
With that wall around you
Don't look at me that way
What can I do
To build that bridge to find you
I don't know what to say

Come on and open up
Open up my love
Why don't you tell me
What's really on your mind
Come on and open up
Open up my love
Tell me what you need
So we don't have this fight
Come on and open up
Open up my love
I know it's a front
You've been hiding behind
Come on and open up
Open up my love
Why don't you tell me
What's really on your mind

I know you want to
Do that thing you always do
You get in your head
When that door stays shut
It puts this space between us
You make it hard to guess

Come on and open up
Open up my love
Why don't you tell me
What's really on your mind
Come on and open up
Open up my love
Tell me what you need
So we don't have this fight
Come on and open up
Open up my love
I know it's a front
You've been hiding behind
Come on and open up
Open up my love
Why don't you tell me
What's really on your mind

I don't believe the last thing that I said's
The real reason you're so upset

Come on and open up
Open up my love
Why don't you tell me
What's really on your mind
Come on and open up
Open up my love
Tell me what you need
So we don't have this fight
Come on and open up
Open up my love
I know it's a front
You've been hiding behind
Come on and open up
Open up my love
Why don't you tell me
What's really on your mind

And open up
(Come on and open up)
And open up
(Come on and open up)
Yeah open up
(Come on and open up)
And open up"
Even after he finished the song, I ignored him.
I needed to let the pain out, so I walked to the drawer. I opened it and took out the pocket knife I hid in there. It wasn't the first time I cut myself. I started this habit ever since dad passed away. There were at least 10 scars on my body that I gave to myself. I knew it was bad, but I couldn't stop it. I only cut when I'm extremely upset, which happens usually every few weeks. After 3 years since dad died, I decided that whenever I had a feeling to cut I would only reopen the old wounds I created over the years.
I held the sharp knife in my own hand and I was thinking if it really was a good idea to do it.
" This is the only way..." I said quietly to myself.
I needed it, so I pulled up my sleeves. I looked sadly at the 2 scars in my left arm.
" This is the only way..." I repeated again to convince myself.
I started to reopen the scars. It hurts badly, but at the same time it feels so good. I felt relieved, even satisfied. It's been a long time since the last time I did this. I almost forgot how good the pain felt. The blood slowly comes out and I cut deeper and deeper, until I have had enough.
I cleaned the scars and covered them with tapes for wounds. I never showed them to my mother or my brother. They don't need to know how messed up I really was. I already knew that myself.
Flashbacks end ~
" I will miss you, kiddo."
The time has come. It's time for my brother to leave. After what he told me last year I took a lot of time to think. It didn't make sense to stay mad at him. He's only doing what he thought was right, and I should actually spend the rest of my time with him instead of keeping distances between us. It wouldn't be easy for me to stay with mom alone, but I had to try to handle this new situation. I needed to try not only for him. I needed to try also for me.
" I will miss you too, big bro. Promise me you will take care of yourself."
" I can tell you the same thing. Try to get along with mom, ok?"
" No promises."
Then he left and I'm officially screwed. I sighed. Let the fun begin!