I was not okay. I was heartbroken, I really don't think people realized or cared about that.
My life had changed over a single line.
I was furious at the world and at myself.
I didn't grieve with it for months on end.
I had been alone for so long. I realized I couldn't hate anyone.
I couldn't be bitter and dark at heart, that only caused me more pain.
The more I realized how much things have changed, people change, the more I realized I would be okay. Sure to this day missing someone who was once such a big influence in your life, hurts like a punch in the stomach.
I just don't miss anything else about it, losing a friendship hurt.
Relationships end all the time, people fall out of love, they cheat, and they lie.
Friends are supposed to be there through everything, every fault.
I wasn't the friend I was supposed to be, I was caught up in my own suffering.
I couldn't see that I was losing a friendship, rather than a relationship.
Moving on had to have been, one of the hardest things to do.
After all, first loves are the hardest.
Though the second I did, I understood everything.
I was a wonderful girlfriend but a selfish friend.
I hope I am better now, I hope I am not too late.
I fell into my own heartbreak and lived there.
I wasn't the woman I am today.
A big dose of heartbreak made me realize all of the bittersweet things in my life,
all of the things I had to fix.
I am so thankful for it, but I'm stilling missing.
This time just not in a bitter feud, this time in genuine feelings.
09/08/19
YOU ARE READING
Afraid to Speak
Randomthis started as a way to vent. it has now become the words I couldn't say to, or the ones I did say and no one cared enough to listen to.
