Hope is a Dangerous Thing [EDITING]

Chapter Fifteen

I stretched a little bit. Bruises and scratches were still all over my body. I kept my eyes on the ground around me before checking myself out in the window of a shop. My face was a little bit beat up. A cut underneath my right eye. There was a bruise on my right cheek as well. I had no idea how that might have happened but it was there anyways. My arms were covered in dots from IV needles. Bruises covered my skin more so than my own skin tone now. The scratches covering the remaining skin. I looked like a drug addict who had been beaten up recently. My lungs strained against my ribcage. The ribs were completely destroyed. I lifted my shirt up as people passed by me. There were more bruises and cuts on my chest as well. The only thing that might be staying were the scars from my top surgery.

Dean's reflection showed up in the reflection behind me. He smiled at me through the reflection as Sam showed up behind me as well. Then James and finally Cas. Dean placed a hand on my shoulder and moved away from the window. My eyes turned to the real versions of the reflections behind me. I smiled at all four of them, hugging them close a little bit. James stumbled back and looked me over. His eyes are full of anger and disgust.

"Come on James. You can't be mad at me forever. If you even are mad at me."

James shook his head, "I'm okay. Just don't want the hell rubbing off on me."

"It's not going to rub off on you, asshole. It's his soul not some goddamn disease. Get over yourself. If it weren't for Noah you would still be dying in that closet way back when, yeah?"

James looked down and sighed as he kicked up some dirt, "Yeah. I'm sorry about that comment Noah. I will try to be a little bit better now that I know more."

"It's okay James," I turned to the rest of the group and looked each one in the eye. "We're going after Arlester 'Dyke' Christian today. At least I hope today is the right day and we're not a few days late." Dean nodded and took my hand in his. He swung our hands back and forth between us. I kept my eyes down as we walked away from the window. I had no idea where we were going to do. I felt no pull to wherever I was supposed to go and I was completely lost. Everyone was waiting for me to lead them to where I was supposed to go. My heart raced in my chest as I turned away from the people walking towards me and to the people following me.

"I have no fucking clue where the hell I'm supposed to go. I don't feel a pull to go anywhere."

Dean blinked a little bit and as he looked me over. I kept my eyes down on the ground in front me. I was too embarrassed to face them. I smiled at the four of them, a little bit with my eyes shifted back down to the ground. Dean shifted in his place a little bit. I placed my eyes down on the ground and smiled once again.

The sound of hands against thighs and a sigh later, "So we don't have anywhere to go?"

"No, sadly. I have no idea where the hell to go or what to do, I'm sorry. If I knew where I was going, I would have told you by now."

Dean nodded and sighed, taking my hand once more and leaned into me. He smiled at me as we walked down the street. There was not a lot we could do right now. All we had to do was hope that the man we were trying to find was easy enough to find. But maybe, just maybe we should conduct searches.

"It would be easier to find him that way and you know it. Interviews and searches. Let them all split up. It's more ground covered and more people interviewed. You look suspicious if you all show up together. No FBI group would send this many people," Was what one side of my brain said. My head pounded.

"You can't trust any of them. Dean turned on you the second he found out you were a monster. Cas doesn't even want to be here. James doesn't even seem to respect you even though you were the one who fucking saved him. Sam isn't even trustworthy to a point. There's no way of knowing that he won't turn on you as soon as he gets the chance," Was exactly what the other side of my brain said.