Tortured Souls || BSD AtsushixReader [✔]

Chapter 9

1st person view

(y/n)

When I regained consciousness I could feel an uncomfortable headache, but it wasn't too bad. I opened my eyes and saw that I was in a dark room, laying on a bed.

Yosano-sensei's treating room, I realized.

The door opened slightly and the doctor walked in.

"Ah, you're awake", she observed. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel like I've been run over by a truck", I answered.

"What do you remember?", Yosano asked.

"R-remember?", I mumbled.

I gasped when memories began to flood my mind. Dozens of meetings with the blackjack dealer in the Sky Casino.

Master...

I remembered my first meeting with him. I used to live with a bunch of other kids because my older brother didn't want me to join the Mafia like him. I was sent out to get groceries by my caretaker and when I left the store I was pulled into an alleyway. The Mafia kidnapped me and I had no idea why. Soon after I ran away, but I got hit in the head when I rounded a corner and lost consciousness.

I cringed when I remembered it all. The man who used his ability to control me would touch me during meetings. It never got too bad, but I could still feel his fingers moving too far below my back. It sickened me and I had to resist the urge to gag.

There were many meetings. I remembered going through life as a doll, a literal fighting machine with no mind or desires of my own. The man would use his ability to make me come to him every once in a while so he could check on me. I had to report things I saw on the street and he gave me orders to kill people.

My breath caught in my throat when more memories made their way into my head. All those murders... So many of them. I killed hundreds of people in an incredibly cruel way. I remembered all of their faces after I shattered their bones and watched how their bodies gave out.

"(y/n)-san?", Yosano asked in a worried tone.

I blinked, not realizing I was crying.

I remembered getting visits from my older brother when I still lived with the other kids. He and Odasaku-san would come by every once in a while.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to take some deep breaths to calm myself, but it didn't work.

All those people I killed... Oh God, I don't deserve to live. What have I done? 

"(y/n)!", Yosano said in a more urgent tone. "Calm down, remember to keep breathing."

I turned my head and finally looked her in the eye. I realized I was sobbing out loud at this point and almost hyperventilating.

"Please get my brother", I pleaded.

In my memories from the past few weeks I remembered seeing him there, at the Armed Detective Agency.

"(y/n), try to calm down a bit, okay?", Yosano tried to soothe me.

"Please, just get my brother, I need my brother!", I said between sobs.

I was getting hysterical. What the hell happened to me? How did I not suspect anything in the past four years? Hell, I was killing people left and right and didn't question it once.

I'm a horrible human being.

Yosano grimaced and hurried towards the door.

"Dazai-san, I think she's having a panic attack!", she shouted.