Life is like a bad apple it tastes tart and soft just like the time 5 years ago my mother told me that even though I was the greatest thing that happened from the one night stand but she hated me for not letting her be with my father because their secret affair was supposed to be nothing but a secret there wasn't ever supposed to be a me at all.
I see it as a bittersweet moment because that's the most my mom has ever gotten to saying "I love you" because not once has she in my 16 years of existence ever said "I love you" to me.
I was her shameful secret.
Just like my shamefully bad addiction to shooting up heroin. But I couldn't help it ever since I turned 14 my best friend at the time Lisa who was 16 almost 17 was trying drugs and she wanted us to try heroin together. I was a goody too-shoes constantly trying to impress my mom and didn't want to try it at all but Lisa can be really convincing and convinced me it's like taking acid, which I tried before so I can relax from stress from school and acid wasn't so bad, so I gave in.
After the first time I did it, it was all I was thinking about. I couldn't stop thinking about it.
I demanded Lisa to bring me to her dealer and I still go to him. Once Lisa saw what she done to her best friend and her attempts of help went in vain, she gave up on me. I go to my dealer every week to get a batch enough to last me a week, before I come back. Whenever I ran out of my allowance money, I made more money by working the corner just enough to buy more drugs. I don't have an allowance anymore, so I'm constantly working the corners trying to make drug money. My dealer also cuts 5% off because I'm his loyal customer and have only gone to him for my drugs. I make well enough because of all the creepy, old, pedophile, perverts like seeing a kid willingly putting out for money.
Not all of them like to pay, my friend Sasha who also works the corners got my back that one time when I was first starting out. An old man asked to pay afterwards for double if we do it first, I didn't know any better and said yeah. Afterwards he didn't want to pay and Sasha beat the shit out of him and told him to fuck off.
I'm fucked up, I know. 16 addicted to heroin, works corners, and a high school drop out. Dropped out of high school week after my 14th birthday. Mom hates me for doing that but I don't live with her anymore, I live on my own. Wasn't much of a choice she found out about my drug use couple days after I dropped out, when she found me in my room on the bed shooting up. She said I had 2 options stay with her and get my shit together and stop ruining her image or I can leave and continue abusing the drugs.
I chose the drugs because life with her wasn't all rainbows and unicorns, she made life hell, I tried to make her happy and be good in her eyes but it wasn't enough for her. I'm homeless after living on the streets for almost 2 years, stopped denying that I was homeless after 6 months and just got used to the idea. I'm also a junkie.
Life sucks because I didn't want it to turn out this way but that's the way life is isn't it? Life with her probably wouldn't have been this bad.
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