Maybe I Just Want A Better World.

Masking

I wore a mask for most of my life. No, not a literal one. But I hid myself from others. I hid myself to fit in. I tried to hide the fact that I am autistic.

When I showed myself, I ended up embarrassed. So I withdrew from my classmates. I tried to disappear.

I told very few that I was autistic, because when I told people they often treated me differently. They didn't do it purposely. They just didn't know what it meant exactly.

When I graduated high school, I started to take my mask off. I decided to take a few years off, and it helped me to learn who I am again.

But there are cracks. When I see certain people I know from my high school, I I remember the years that I was trapped under the mask, and I feel like the mask never left.

When I start college, I fear I may succumb to the mask again. I will hide myself from others, yet again, and form my friendships around a different identity.

I am proudly autistic, but it is difficult to be proud when the world pities you for being different.