Time to Move On

Day #2 (Saturday)

"YOU DIDN'T!" Jo squeals into the phone.

"Yea, Jo. I hate to admit, but you were right." I say confessingly. I'm happy that she can't see me fighting the urge to laugh.

"Well, what are you going to do about our trip today?" She asks. Jo caught some bad food poisoning yesterday. She can't make it to the swim. I need Jo for moral support. I can't do this alone, I can't.  "You could ask Chris..."she offers.

"No way. Plus it's last minute. I'll just not go." I say way too quickly.

"C'mon Cathy, it'll be a great way for y'all to bond!"  she says. I guess I have no other option. It's too late to back out of the list. Who else would I ask?And to be honest, we just confessed our feelings... I hate that she's right again. "Fine." I say giving in.

"When are you going to tell him about Jax?" she questions nervously.

"Honestly, I don't know. I want to tell him, but I don't want to overwhelm him either." I said truthfully. I am pretty sure I shouldn't talk about my dead boyfriend so soon.

"As your best friend, I recommend you tell him. When you tell him is dependent on you. But hiding is not a good choice. I gotta go Cathy. Need to take some meds. Have fun at the swim!" Jo concludes.

"Bye." I say. I go to my messages and open my texts with Chris. Am I really willing to do this? I think. Before I know it the message is typed and sent. Sweat pools in my hand and I start to pace my room. I listen to music to calm myself down. BUZZ! Uh oh.

"I would love to go swimming! What time?" It's from Chris.

"Be ready by 3:30, I'll pick you up." I type flawlessly. I pack two bathing suits, sunglasses, small snacks and water for the trip. 3:00 the time reads. Only 30 minutes. Half and hour until I see him again. What could go wrong?

I drive in car nervously. I take a deep breath and calm myself down. It's nothing Cathy, don't overthink this. Then...HONK! I hadn't realized that the light changed to green. I shook myself out of it and kept driving. I come to a slow stop in front of a modern house. It's sleek and colored in white. The front porch shades the door and a chair leans against the wall. I walk out of my car and ring the doorbell. I hear footsteps from inside. Then the door opens.

"I'll be there! Give me a second, I'll bring my stuff down. You're welcome to come inside if you want." Chris motions for me to come in. I walk in and sit on a bar stool in the kitchen. The wide space almost makes me feel lonely. I wonder how he lives here. Thin windows line the wall and the decoration makes the rooms pop in every way. It's cozy. I check my phone for any sign of Jo. Nothing. I sigh and turn around to find Chris behind her.

"Need anything?" he asks.

"Actually a glass of water would be fine, thanks." I reply. Chris has been sweet and kind since I met him. Why can't I just open up to him? He looks so sincere and innocent but here I am, keeping myself isolated and closed. I take the water and drink it quickly, wanting to wash away every emotion and feeling from my body. I just want to be numb. But I have to trust myself. So I decide to tell Chris about Jax after the swim.

I drive and at first it's silent. But not for long.

"So... about yesterday..." Chris starts.

"Um yea, it doesn't feel real does it?"

"I didn't want to ruin our friendship by telling, but it went better than I thought."

"I'm glad too." I say smiling. Chris looks at me and I look away, not wanting to distract myself while driving. The rest of the ride we are talking about school and summer vacation.  We reach the river in about 2 hours. I park on one side and Chris and I walk a trail to the other.