A summer depression

How to deal with Struggles Act 1

It's an 89.6 F hot summer day and I am still waiting for his message, which message? The message from a cute boy which didn't reply since some hours, which slowly made me sad, because he really means much to me, sometimes more than anyone else, but what ever.
What's actually his name? His name? Doesn't matter – really! Why do we need a name?
I met him at the pride parade in the summer, where I had a sign with " free hugs" on it and so also hugged him two times for at least ten minutes, probably I don't know exactly.
He is such an amazing boy and he also have been at my home where I noticed that he is shy as I am – yeah I met someone who is also very shy, but being shy isn't a bad habit.
You might not believe if I say that I really crush on him, because we only met two times yet, but what the heck is that really your business? I don't think so or did I get something wrong?
He really can cuddle good and I love it, because I am feeling lonely sometimes and he cuddle this bad feeling away or text it away in case he isn't with me, which makes me happy.
Do you miss me like I miss you? Do you miss my answers like I miss your answers?
I can't answer those questions sadly, but I wish I could, because I really miss you and your answers to my messages. Oh fuck – I am crying. I am sorry. I am really sorry for crying.
I promise you I am fine. Am I really fine? I am always fine you don't have to worry.
You said we have to meet, we did. And now? WAS THIS FOR NOTHING? Just for another heartbreaking love story in my life?
ANSWER ME THIS FUCKING QUESTION.
You really light my life up, my life and me. Yes you make me keep fighting and want to be in your arms again- You said you want to lay in my arms and you did and me felt so much needed by someone and now I don't feel needed as I always do, because I am not needed. May I should go?
Never mind I'll find someone like you. I like you much, but that doesn't matter like my life, because there is someone out there who is much better than me, this one person who is called "perfect match" Or am I the one who can't be loved? I really don't know, but I am happy for you, when you'll find someone, I promise you and I'll be fine with that - really. I am okay with it.
Good bye my Lover? Do you stay? Or what are you doing? - To make me hopes and make me feeling alive while being dead inside. Yes - I feel dead inside sometimes. I am sorry.
I really care about you, I really give you time, I will be there for you when you need someone.
I will cuddle with you when you want to be cuddled, I try my best to make you happy.
I PROMISE YOU THAT. Really. I do. Because you deserve it to be helped with anything.
You can tell me everything which makes you sad, depressed or whatever you want to tell someone and I will keep it secret, because I want you trusting me and want you to know that I am here when you need someone to talk to. I will listen and try to help you to get over it.
And now to finish this messed up emotionally sheet I want to say "thank you" for your cuddles, messages I received yet, your smile and for anything I forgot to list up here.
You're just an indescribable human being, which I am really happy about have met you.
I don't know what I can write any more, because I said everything I wanted to say at the moment.
I think so at least and I hope really did, otherwise I'll write more - If I want to or should I?
This page here, all the words and emotions I put in here, please never forget them, okay?
Whatever just forget me, live your life as I wasn't there and like you never met me before, because you will be better living without me. I am just a messed up humans with some scribbling depressed text, poems and some other things. A boy with a love for nature, dogs, medicine and many other things. BUT I am still not a "perfect match", why? Because I have bad sides and good sides, really.
It just deep on my mood and my situations when you text me. If I am rude to you, remember I am sorry.. I really am sorry. I am out. End of the story. - Thanks fort reading it.