A summer depression

How to deal with Struggles Act 3

It's a late evening. The weather is really hot and my fan happily cools my room down – thanks to you fan. Fun beside.
I want to write again – about what? Myself.
I get the permission to talk to him so I talk to him. He is interested in the thing I want to tell him so I do it, I will tell him and what happened to me? You'll see in the following words.
Hey you, yes I talked to you like I talked to no one else, because you are so awesome and handsome. I really can't describe how much you mean to me and I also can't find words to tell you or anyone else how I feel when I receive messages from you, but that doesn't matter or help us with understanding my feelings or the situations I am in at the moment, because of you.
And the secrets we got so far.
Yes you wanted me to tell you. I was brave enough to splitting my chest for you. Your passion to succeed is watching me bleed. Haha you are a demon.
Don't you really dare to let me left behind bleeding by your words.
ARE YOU SERIOUS? FUCK YOU.
Almost dead, but A L I V E, because you can't break me again like he did once. You can NOT do it.
It hurts, it really hurt me seeing you with someone else who isn't me – you know why?
Because I am so ultimate stupid and love you. Yes, I do love you with all of my heart.
Even when everything broke to million pieces, the pieces reflect the light.
I am the I am the sick boy.
Almost one hour without any reply from your side. I care, I hurt myself, but you don't care.
Break me down, I'm ready.
I won't forget you, but I may…Forget your name. I am sorry in case I really forget your name.
Love in my eyes, blinded by you, because you made too happy, this happy like no one did it.
You was there for me like he was, yes you and he are so close to be a copy of each other, because you and him hurting me, playing with me and made me fall in love, I'll cry myself to sleep tonight.
And tomorrow and for all the other days you gave me nightmares. I woke up at am and thought you killed me or that you was next to me, but I woke up more broken than before. You're fake.
Waking up, just break me down, because every morning you were nowhere to be found.
Who put the rock in your chest? Won't you tell me? Please tell me before it is too late. It is, or?
Unbelievable since you aren't answer me I just start to hate me again, but more than before, because you cheered me up with your wrong and fake words. You're so handsome and have such a great character and I still love it even when it hurts.
YES EVEN WHEN IT HURTS, I LOVE YOU.
You don't want go to the doctor, you don't want to take care about your health? FINE, I will care.
I will care, I will love you, I will wait, I will come to you, I will order you binders and so many other thing will be done by me till you give me your attention or at least a hug. A hug, please.. hug me..
Hug me, touch me, tell me how much you need me, till I stop bleed, till I stop getting hurt.
Take care of me, take me to a better place, take me out of here into your arms.
I love you with my body, soul and heart. My mind is thinking about you without a reason.. You are my first and last thought before I wake up or go to bed. I am just very anxious that I will loose you.
Understand me please, do it.. PLEASE. I am breaking my last power on this text and I hope you will read it and understand me. I hope you still like me and hug me or even maybe start loving me.
This is the end of the story for today and my feelings. I will write again, when I need to write again.
Thanks for reading it, stay safe and have a better life than I have. This is the end here now.