Trust Fall

Superhuman

Raiylynn's P.O.V.

I was so broken when I saw that Luke was trying to cut and I showed him something I haven't even shown to Ash yet. I felt guilty to say the least but there is no way I'm telling Ash he was the reason I cut. Well it wasn't really him..... But it is, you know it kinda is at the same time, do you know what I mean?

"Hey Raiylynn, what are you thinking about." Ash said tapping the side of my head with his fingers. "Nothing much, just thinking I'm lucky to have you." I said, thinking of an excuse as to why I'm quiet all of a sudden. "Well I know that's not what you were thinking but I'll take it because I'm lucky to have you also." He told me by whispering in my ear.

The way my life is set up makes me think of so many sappy love quotes but there is one that is not sappy and it's from The Mortal instruments, City of Bones. The quote is, "To love is to destroy, and that to be loved is to be the one destroyed." That I believe, for every time I decide to love somebody, I have to destroy my love with somebody else. It always happens, It happened when I developed feelings for Ashton, I lost Louis. It happened to my parents also.

I decide I need to tell Ashton this but not actually tell him, I don't have the guts to see his reaction. "Ash, I'm not feeling too well, mind if we head inside?" I asked him. He gave me a confused face. "Yeah. Sure baby, is something wrong?" He asked getting worried I assume.

"Yeah, I think something is wrong. I can't like directly tell you, so do you mind if we head inside?" I asked getting a little annoyed but I still have a little empathy for him. "Yeah sure, let's go." He said walking into the house with me in tow. I went up to Ashton's room and he followed me in there. "What do you need to tell me Rai?" He asked looking at me very worried. "Uh, I can't put it into words, do you mind if I borrow a tablet to write down my thoughts?" I asked and answered my requests by handing me a yellow tablet and a pencil.

"Uh can you leave the room for a second, I don't want you to look over my shoulder while I do this." I told him and he walked out of the room. I got to work with tears rolling down my face. I'm doing this for the better. I tell myself, If I let him know everything maybe this 'love' thing will work out more smoothly.

Ashton's P.O.V

I'm worried as to what Raiylynn has to tell me. She is acting fairly strange. I walk down the hall a bit and scoot down the wall until I'm sitting and hug my legs to my chest. She is going to leave you, You don't deserve her. You will only bring her down. My conscience told me. I just hope she hurries and lets me know what is wrong.

5 minutes later Rai walked out of the room, looked at me and pointed her thumb back towards the bedroom. The thing that caught my attention the most was there was tears rolling down her beautiful face. This. Can. Not. be good.

I got up and started walking towards the room so she turns and walks off. I walk into my room and my eyes dart around the room trying to find the yellow note book I lent to her. I find it on my bed with a full page of words and some water stains on it. Her tears. I pick it up and mentally prepare myself to read it.

' Dear Ash,

I'm not breaking up with you but after you read this you probably will want to break up with me. I'll start from the second day I had without you when you asked me to leave. I was so sad and lost. I was/am depressed. life got really hard, I felt dark and alone. You were my rainbow that lit up my day after a big dark thunder storm.

Well after you were gone, My life was only a big dark storm cloud with no light seeping through. I was scared that the demons were chasing me and eventually They were. I started cutting but I've only told two people before you. I have told Dylan and Luke. I'm so sorry Ashton, I'm such a hypocrite, I don't deserve you. That's not even the worst of this whole story.

I'm to selfish to love people, I've heard a very wise thing describing love, it destroys! I'm not a superhuman, I can't give everybody love. What if I decide to love somebody else one day? Then maybe I won't have enough for you thus destroying both of us.

I have figured out if you love somebody, your mind will throw every thing it can to break your thought of love. I'm not a strong person. I don't want to lose you so I can't love you. It's impossible for me ever to love somebody. I will destroy you if I try to love you and I can't take the pain of destroying you, you are a beautiful angel who was sent her from the heavens above by accident, to teach me to love when I can't.

I'm so sorry Ash, if love is possible, then that is my feeling towards you. i don't think it is possible to love somebody but i can't live without you, I'd rather be six feet under then not have you around. I care so deeply for you, that I can't love you.

Signed,

Raiylynn Tomnlison'

I had tears rolling down my face freely now. I started tugging at the roots of my hair while I reread the letter. She basically told me she loves me so much that she can't love me. She'd rather go through the pain of not loving me rather then destroying me.

I love her so god damn much that I agree with her. I ran out of the room searching for her. It was easy to find her, I went to her room and opened the balcony door and saw her sitting there, similar to the way I was sitting when I was waiting for her to tell me what she did. But she had tears rolling down her cheeks.

I sat by her and wrapped my arm tightly around her. She put her head on my chest. "I'm so sorry Ash." She sobbed. "Why?" Was the only word I said. "I care so much about you but I'm afraid of loving you, of losing you." She told me. "Well you shouldn't be sorry at all. I understand where your coming from, you care for somebody so much that you don't want to hurt yourself while to show them you love them so you don't." I meant every word I said.