Summary of Freshman Year

A Number for November

Play it cool

Play it cool
Like a fool
'Til year's flown
Last chance blown
Insanity
Define, can thee

I can't say that I've ever been in love. I can't say that I've never, either. Problem, my philosophy is that love is a feeling. However, Boston would have something to say about that, which might explain why I can't say whether I've ever felt love.

Jeez. That came out darker than expected.
I've talked about Amy (anonymous name) before, and I still think about her, just not in the same way anymore. It's not like I miss her. Besides, she is a different person as a 14 year old than a 11 year old. Hopefully. The only thing I do miss is the relationship. I haven't been able to be more like myself around a girl I liked. Sad part is, looking back I think she might've liked me. But we were young kids then. And now we're just older kids, that's all, with the same mentality in such field of emotion.

The second girl I've mentioned I've written about before in Overview of Middle School. After a bit of talking with her I eventually realized that I didn't like her. She was the epitome of basic, and proud of it, too. I am not saying anything's wrong with that, it's just I personally don't like it.

But anyways, it is hard for me to define Love. I try to avoid talk of it, as I presume myself being too young to know what it even is. You know when you watch reality shows and movies, happy couples are always smiling when they wake up next to each other, the sex is beautiful, and the sun shines bright and rains are calm?

Several times has it been said that movies and TV do not show reality. I think that is pretty obvious by now. And so that is why I don't expect all that in an intimate relationship. Still, I dream of those ideas of eternal happiness.

I've read a lot about relationships; how to have healthy ones and what should partners say to each other. I try to absorb information on how to be better, almost like I am training to be a good person. I want to be a good person. There is little ill intention in me, but a lot of times I present myself poorly. 

Quite often I sit alone and fantasize conflicts between somebody and me, and try to find a way to respond that might be the best. Of course, that will never be perfect, and won't always be so, but at least I'd know I tried. Should someone yell at me, I wouldn't yell back, rather I should listen and keep a calm voice. Talking about personal problems is something I think is also very important, for both sides of a relationship.

Just things like that, I try to formulate ways I should behave; trying to make myself ready for anything. And at times when conflict arises, I try to decide based on those fake scenarios the best course of action to take.
I know, it's quirky. But it helps me with social situations.