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"I think I felt guilty," Aaron says as he and Jaymes walk home hand-in-hand. They are mostly hidden in the darkness of 11pm but he can faintly make out her profile illuminated by a nearby streetlamp.
"For what?" Jaymes tilts her head to the side, eyebrows knitting together in confusion as she awaits his answer. She doesn't look over at him, keeps her gaze focused instead on the road ahead of them. She's afraid that looking at him might shatter this moment, might reveal it all to be a mirage brought on by encompassing heartbreak, and she will find herself back in her childhood home with her twin sister sleeping at her side instead of with her own husband.
His shoulders lift and fall in a shrug. "For feeling the way that I do, I guess. About you." She can feel his gaze focus on the side of her face, but she still doesn't look—afraid that he'll see even in this darkness the way that her face heats up. She can at least count her blessing that he doesn't hear the relentless pounding of her heart, slamming its fists against its cage and begging to be set free; begging to fling itself into Aaron's awaiting hand.
Little does she know that her heart has been in his hand since she was eighteen. Little does she know it never came back to her.
"I felt guilty about what it might do to our friendship. How it might affect us—how it might even affect Jamie. Losing you was too much of a risk for finding out if you felt the same about me, you know?"
She hums in agreement. "I know what you mean," she says. "I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid of what it'd mean for us. I was afraid that it'd mean the ending. I've been afraid since I was eighteen."
Aaron stops but doesn't let go of her hand, and she turns to face him with a brow raised. "Since you were eighteen?" His voice is low, as if he can't quite formulate the words loud enough.
"The first time I fell in love with you." She nods, because what's the point in hiding it now? They're in the darkness, on their way home from a date, and are both apparently in the mood for sharing feelings that before now had been pushed deep down inside. Like a hand pushing a head underwater, using all its force as the person below the surface tries to break free. "Kind of sad, isn't it?"
"I'm sorry," he tells her, as if it's his fault that her heart is traitorously loyal thing. "I didn't—I didn't know."
"Of course you didn't," she laughs, and it's a beautifully melodic sound. "I'm an actress, AJ. I'm good at hiding things if I want to be. And let's not forget that I jumped into a relationship with Percy around that time, either."
She regrets that last part when she sees the way Aaron's face darkens, memories of her catastrophic first relationship brought to the forefront of his mind. "You endured that because of me?" He sounds like he's been punched in the gut. She's surprised that he hasn't hunched over in pain with the way he speaks. "You let that asshole treat you like dirt... because of me?"
She steps closer to him, not once letting go of his hand, and lifts her free hand to cup his face. "No," she tells him, shaking her head. "I started dating him because I was afraid of my feelings for you, yes, but that's not why I stayed. I stayed because I fooled myself into believing that I did love him, too—and maybe I did, for a little while. That's why I endured it. Because I honestly believed he loved me, too."
She thinks back to that last night of her relationship with Percy Madden. She remembers him storming out of their shared flat, remembers her shaking hands as she picked up her phone to call Jamie. She remembers telling about the fight, and how she thinks that there's no coming back to this, how she knows now that he doesn't love her. Because that night, his anger had been channelled into more than just scathing words and a hole in their wall. That night, his anger had climaxed with his fist against her cheek and a rushed apology as he fled through the door.
Six months their relationship lasted. Six months, and Jaymes was stupid enough to believe for five of them that what they had was real.
Aaron's lips meet hers before she even registers him moving, his free hand grasping at her waist and pulling her closer to him. The hand on his cheek falls to his shoulder, and her fingers curl around the fabric of his shirt—one that she herself had bought for him months ago as a spontaneous gift after seeing it in a shop and thinking of him. He kisses her like he should have last time, pours all of his feelings into a moment.
"I love you," he confesses when they pull apart, "Don't be afraid anymore."
Jaymes doesn't know what to say, so she pushes herself forward and reunites their lips. She hopes it tells him everything her mouth couldn't say.
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is this moving too fast or is it just me???
like i don't want to drag it out like the Original Version but i also don't want it to be too short
but then again i still have some stuff planned so who knows
