Book 2: Back to You and I

Chapter 7: Tests and Results

I slowly open my eyes to see the sunlight pouring in through the windows. It all seems calming. Until I suddenly feel nauseous and I find myself on the bathroom floor as I hover over the toilet. Vivian comes running in only a few seconds later.

"What's wrong?" she asks as she runs into the bathroom.

I open my mouth to talk but instead more vomit makes its way out. Vivian moves quickly and holds my hair back as I continue to vomit.

After a while I stop and we I find ourselves on my room floor as we hug our knees. We sit in silence, neither of us wanting to say a word. Truth is there is a bigger reason as to why I've been acting "off" according to Vivian. I'm afraid my simple thought might not be as 'simple' as I thought.

"How long have you known?" Vivian finally asks, breaking the silence.

"There's nothing to know"

"Lark stop with the bullshit already. How long have you known?"

I stare at the floor for a second. "My period is a over a week late..."

"And you didn't say anything?!"

"What did you want me to say? That you were right?!"

Vivian's angry face softens as she sees how scared I really am. I've been trying to avoid this being true and now I have no other choice but to face it head on.

"I have a test. You should take it just to be sure"

**********

I stand in the bathroom waiting for the timer to be up. Every second that goes by feels like an eternity. I'm dreading to see the answer because I know without a doubt who the father would be.

I could handle a baby but I feel like telling him would only erase all of his progress. I don't want to be selfish but at the same time I feel like whether I tell him or not I'll still be making a selfish choice.

The timer goes off and Vivian opens the bathroom door. I stare at her, not even wanting to glance in the direction of the pregnancy test.

"Just look at it. Just like ripping off a bandage"

"You know I always hated that"

"Well it's the fastest and easiest way to deal with it so just look at the test already!"

"Okay okay" I say as I try to calm her down. We've both been on edge since I started the timer and now that it's time to check I almost want to throw the test away and pretend it never happened. Except I can't do that.

I slowly turn and look down at the test. Two pink lines stare right back at me. Before the test I knew what the answer was going to be but there was still a small part in me that believed, or more like hoped, that I would be wrong.

"Lark..." Vivian says breathlessly.

"Fuck" is all can manage to say.

**********

Vivian offered to drive me to the clinic and I accepted thankful for her full support. Once we arrive I feel overwhelmed by everyone there.

Truth is I'm super paranoid about this whole thing. The fact that I'm trying to keep this as a secret from basically the whole world has me thinking there are people around every corner waiting to hear my conversations. I know it's absurd but still.

We're out of there after an hour of paper work and some tests. The doctor said said everything was okay with the baby and I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me happy.