Rag doll

Chapter 6

After a week and 3 day here I was starting to get into a routine. I hated it. I was starting to finally realise I was really stuck here but didn't allow myself to let go of hope. I knew, the day I truly gave in would be the end of me.

I hadn't seen my friends or family, for over a week and I missed them so much. It was true that all the little things are the thing you miss most, like my mom would open my door and say night before she went to bed.

I felt so trapped in my own head, I was just walking around aimlessly following the girls doing what I was told. I started to feel like I wasn't even doing it just to avoid punishment, I just wanted to keep myself busy and distracted.

"I need a spoon" Poppy announced very quietly.

"Lucy, when will Ashton be back ?" I asked

"Ava have you packed yet, they leave for American soon" Beth spoke up.

" I still need a spoon" Poppy repeated louder.

"How long are they away for again?"

"Ashton will be back tonight but after diner Ava. You do need to pack soon, remember they are going for a week in LA, then San Francisco and then New York as well. Wait no it's San Francisco first, or no maybe it's LA" Lucy stopped, she began rubbing her temples "I can't remember but they will be away for about 3 weeks"

"I need a spoon still" Poppy said again, I was to distracted by the thought of three weeks without Ashton to really listen.

"Okay all done in here" Beth said walking out the room "I have laundry to do"

"I give up" Poppy said walking into the kitchen "It's not my spoon, it's not my problem"

"What's wrong with Pop" Lucy asked. I just shrugged, imagining all that could be done with the freedom I was going to have. without the boys here.

Only Calum and Luke were currently home which was nice as I got a meal off duty. They walked in and sat down. Lucy and Poppy got their dinner and Beth and I just got our own.

"I don't have a spoon" Luke said breaking the silence.

We all looked at Poppy, she took a deep breath before giving Lucy and I a quick exhausted glare, before kicking her chair back and walking off to find a spoon in silence.

"Is she okay ?" Luke asked.

"Yeah, probably just tired. Don't worry we won't do it again" Lucy said a bit confused. It felt like all the girls were on edge a lot recently. They all so seamed so settled  when I arrived, like they had accepted this small life but I was starting to see that no matter how long they had been trapped here, deep down they also found it hard to shrink themselves down into the role we had been put in.

"Lucy, have you started to pack yet ?" Calum asked moving the conversation on.

"Oh umm no but I was going to start after we had clean this up. I have washed all your clothes I just need some help to get the big suitcase down" Lucy explained calmly.

"I will get it don't worry, I will leave it in my walk in. Don't forget to pack extra pants" he laughed "I'm sick of running out when Luke steals mine" They all laughed.

"I always pack Luke loads, what are you doing with them to go through them all" Poppy whinnied walking back over to the table, spoon in hand.

"Mine were plain, Calum's had turtles on. It wasn't fair his were cooler" Luke replied dead pan.

"You are the one that buys them, just buy cooler ones" Poppy exclaimed "I can only pack what you own"

"I like them plain" Luke shrugged "I just wanted to borrow his, why would I buy them when his are right there for the taking"

Everyone laughed and pointed out the lack of logic. I stayed silent while everyone continued on the conversation and began to eat.

I liked when Ash wasn't here. He paid attention to me and brought up all the little things I did. I liked attention when it came from a place of love but from him it felt demanding. I liked to fade into the background and not have to participate in the facade.

As I was putting clean dishes away I heard the front door open and I knew Ashton and Michael were back. I felt my eyes water knowing I would soon have to go and put the front back up. I bit my lip as I felt it begin to quiver, I decided to ignore my emotions. Push everything I was feeling as far down as I could.

I walked to the lounge to find him once I was finished in the kitchen. A pit developed in my stomach as he turned to look at me. He smiled and moved over so I could join him on the sofa. I fought my instincts and pushed myself forward to go sit down next to him and kissed his cheek.

After about half an hour Ashton's shuffled in his seat and he put his arm round me like normal. I really hated it, his touch sent shivers down my spine and made my hair stand up. He must have leant on the remote as the tv flicked onto the news channel... and the news channel had me on.

'Ava Williams, 17. Went missing three weeks ago last seen walking home from school to her family's home. It is believed Ava was abducted, Police are asking anyone with any information to come forwa-'

Suddenly the tv turned black, I couldn't take my eyes off the screen. It wasn't only real in here, my sad knew reality was also a sad new reality for people out there. I was missed. I was being looked for.

"Ava... are you okay" Lucy asked quietly.

"I - I..." I couldn't talk, no words came out.

"Ava you can go if you need a sec" Ashton spoke softly, taking him arm away from around me. Everyone's eyes were locked on me, I didn't know how to react.

I wanted to be alone but I couldn't tell me body to move just yet, I was frozen.

Ashton raised his hand towards me slowly out, my body suddenly took over and I backed away from him and stumbled out the room as quickly as I could. I ran straight to the bath room. I leaned over the toilet, I felt like something inside of me needed to come out. Once the extremely nausea passed, and I felt like I could, I sat up against the bathroom wall and just let myself cry.

I felt like i couldn't do anything else but cry. I put my hands over my mouth to stop my cries being heard. When really I wanted to scream.

My family were looking for me. I had been so selfish thinking about me, I hadn't even stopped to think about the people I was taken away from.

They didn't know if I was dead or alive.

I heard foot steps coming towards the door, I assumed it would be Lucy but Ashton walked in.

He didn't say anything he just sat down, not looking at me, I didn't know what to expect. I tried to calm myself worried he could be angry but I couldn't hold back the explosion of pain inside me.

I held both hands over my mouth desperately trying to hold my sobs back.

He simply looked at me and I looked back. He reached out toward me making my flinch, I backed myself into the corner.

He held back for a second before stroking my cheek, once he got to my chin he turned my face so I was looking at him directly.

He stared into my eyes and stared to lean in.