Secrets

Part 6

3rd Person P.O.V
After James had his heart to heart with Remus he walked off in the direction of Sirius and whispered,
"It's now or never man tell him how you feel."
Sirius looking a bit redder than usual and more nervous than ever walked up to Remus and sat down next to him. With James seemingly gone it left Sirius and Remus alone. Remus was more nervous than ever he was sure Sirius wouldn't feel the same as James did and was sure Sirius would hurt him with his words so he figured he might as well get it over with.
"Soooo does me being gay bother you?"
Remus asked half whispering half crying.
"No not at all Moony your still Moony. Our amazing ,smart ,brave ,kind ,sweet ,witty ,and of course handsome Moony. You being gay doesn't change the fact that your one of my best friends in the entire world." Although Remus was grateful Sirius hasn't disowned him he was still hurt by the fact that Sirius called him his best friend when he wanted so desperately to be more. This thought of forever being just a friend hurt Remus more than all of the cuts and bruises he had ever had this one stung in his heart, a place where bangadges didn't work. Remus couldn't hold it back any longer and thus he began to cry once again ,but the tears of joy had vanished for these tears were soft tears of nothing ,but pure heartbreak. It was true Sirius's words had cut Remus with a knife and Remus was heartbroken. It took Sirius mere seconds to realize what he had done he had told the boy who loved him, the boy who was crying softly of the heartbreak he had just given him ,and the boy he loved that he was his best friend. Sirius began to speak but lost his words. Then Remus spoke up in a tear filled voice so quiet Sirius could barely hear him,
"It's fine don't pretend you love me because I know you don't love me. I'm unloveable, I'm a monster who doesn't deserve love and that's okay ,but please don't play with my feelings if you don't love me fine ,but don't pretend you do to make me happy because it will only hurt me more than I already am..."
Remus got up and began to run away he just couldn't take it he had been publicly humiliated and now the boy he loved just sat there next to him telling him how great a friend he was. As he was running he felt a hand grab his and before he knew it a set of hands gently grabbed onto his face and a pair of lips were thrust onto his and Remus John Lupin was having his first kiss with none other than Sirius Orian Black. It felt like time had stopped and his mind went completely blank Remus didn't know how he hadn't passed out ,but he did know that his face was burning bright red because this had been the kiss he'd always dreamed of ,but knew was forbidden ,but what did this mean did it mean Sirius was gay too or was this a trick. After letting go of each other Remus looked up at Sirius and asked,
"WHY DID YOU KISS ME? DO YOU THINK THAT MY FEELINGS ARE SOMETHING YOU CAN PLAY WITH?"
Remus in a tear filled yell screamed this a Sirius tired of his feelings being manipulated. And to that Sirius said in a calming loving ,voice,
"Moony I kissed you because to be honest I've always loved you and no I don't think your feelings are something to be played with. I never told anyone I was gay because well I come from the house of Black I'm already an outcast I'm in Gryfinndor, have long hair, and I'm friends with muggleborns, I'm eveything my family hates so to be gay would be the icing on top of the cake of shame to my family's name. And I'm not saying I care that I'm different I actually want nothing to do with my family quite frankly ,but admitting that I was gay at school would mean a possiblitry of my cousins Bellatrix and Narcissa or my brother Regulus finding out and telling my family and my parents finding out woul make my home life even more of a living hell than it already is. And I know I shouldn't care what others think its just look I was scared of what people would think and how people would treat me. And I know that's a lame excuse ,but it's the truth. So I do love you Remus and not as a joke ,but for real and if you don't believe me ask James I told him today."
Sirius finished explaining himself in near tears and Remus was at a loss of words all he could do was hug him. After Sirius told Remus he loved him Remus was beyond ecstatic today had been both the worst and best day of his life yet he wouldn't change a thing.