Secrets

Part One: MTM -- Positive

Notes:

I'm so mad at myself! I thought Tyler and Otis were one year apart, and I wrote Confession that way... apparently my research failed, he was born in 2009, so they are 3 years apart in real life. Damnit. So I'm going to have to manipulate their birthdays a bit... Tyler's moving to the end of 2006 and Otis' to the beginning of 2008. Sorry about that.

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Mike had been preoccupied all morning with thoughts of Chester wrapped around him in bed. It was a vision that wouldn't go away, the way their bodies had felt pressed together, the weight of Chester's leg and arm, the warm breaths on Mike's skin... He felt oddly unsettled, bewildered even, at the inability to set the event aside as Chester had clearly done, and move on from it. He was distracted at breakfast and irritable as they embarked on the day's travel. The band was headed to France, the flight short, the evening unplanned. Usually he'd go sightseeing with Chester when there was time off, but today he wasn't sure he was in the mood.

Jesus. I feel like I need a little alone time right now... it must be time for a break, we've been on the road too long. That has to be it. When was the last time I had sex? As he followed Chester onto the plane, Mike was mentally calculating the days since he'd last been with Anna, attributing his inability to focus on his pent-up and unresolved desires for his wife. Almost three weeks until we're on break, and a month since we were last at home... maybe I'll feel better once I talk to her tonight.

It didn't help his state of mind when Chester settled in beside him on the plane, his feet bouncing nervously against each other, and without thinking, Mike reached over and stilled one knee with his hand. Immediately Chester covered that hand with his own, linking their fingers together and squeezing them tightly.

Looking down at their hands, seeing them the same way he'd seen them on every flight they'd taken since... well, since they'd started flying, Mike was struck again by the image of waking up next to Chester just hours earlier. What was it about waking up next to him this morning that had him so out of sorts? He glanced up from their hands at Chester's profile, his lips set in a thin line of displeasure.

"I hate flying," Chester mumbled in his general direction, and Mike smiled softly.

"I know. You always have." Mike's smile turned into a full on grin as he teased, "I should have thought to ask that in your audition. Any fears of flying? We'd have gone with our second choice."

After Mike's misstep with the talk of children last night, his joke fell flat. It went too far, too soon, and Chester grimaced, his displeasure of flying turning quickly back to that same haunting negative expression of self-hatred. "You'd have probably been better off," he said bitterly, not bothering to look at the mirth in Mike's expression to know he was only teasing.

"Damn, Ches, I was joking," Mike scrambled to say quickly. "You're the best thing that ever happened to us, you know that. We wouldn't be flying anywhere if it weren't for you." How do I keep fucking this up? I'm usually better at reading his moods than this. When Chester moved to pull his hand away, Mike tightened his hold on Chester's hand. "Hey, look at me."

Bottomless brown eyes turned to him, defeat written across the vocalist's features. Chester sighed and shrugged. "There's a lot of guys that can scream, Mike. You didn't have to end up with a clingy, depressed alcoholic that needs constant babysitting like me."

It was Mike's turn to sigh, and he shook his head. "Ches... stop it. You know as well as I do that this-" he pointed around them, at their bandmates, "wouldn't exist without this." He lifted their joined hands and smiled at Chester. "There's something special about our voices together, Ches, something I've never heard with anyone else, and it's only getting better over time. You've helped me, encouraged me so much, and my singing voice is getting so much better, stronger... able to compliment you." Mike squeezed their fingers together and watched Chester battle with his thoughts before he finally sighed again.