Secrets

Part Three: LIVING THINGS -- Christmas

[December 24, 2011]

Chester looked across the long table, his eyes skipping over the lit candles between him and Mike. The crimson and gold table runner was littered with the dishes that he and Mike, and to a lesser degree, Anna and Talinda, had made for the holiday dinner. It was eclectic, the way it usually was when they all made dishes for a meal. Even though it was just the four adults and the two boys, there was more food than they could eat, and more presents than necessary under the tree in the cabin living area.

It had been almost six months since Mike had kissed him in his sleep in the London hotel room, and every time Chester looked at Mike since, it was the first thing his mind went to. It was hard to shake the memory of Mike's soft, gentle kiss, the warmth between them, the way Mike had subconsciously pulled him closer and the way he'd just surrendered to it despite his better judgement. His rational, cognizant, awake judgement.

Everything about the kiss was etched into Chester's memory, and nothing about the kiss was etched into Mike's... which was the dilemma. The more time he'd allowed to pass without telling Mike what happened the less likely it had seemed that they would be able to laugh it off, and Chester sunk into the miserableness that keeping such a secret caused. In all of those months home, in all of the time they'd spent working on lyrics in both studios, there had only been a few moments that they had been completely alone. There was always someone - one of the guys, or one of their wives - around, and the thoughts he'd had of sharing the secret with Mike ended up fading into the background.

He knew Mike could sense something was off, but they hadn't been alone long enough for Mike to question him. Even over the past few days at the Bennington's Arizona cabin, Chester had rarely found himself alone with Mike. Now Mike's dark eyes were candlelit, and Chester found it hard to stop looking at the reflection of the light in the depths.

"Chester? You okay?" Mike asked finally, a little unnerved at how Chester's gaze kept coming back to him at the family dinner.

"Huh? I mean, yeah. Just... thinking about Christmas," he answered with a grin. "I fuckin' love Christmas!"

With a disapproving cluck of his tongue, even as he smiled, Mike warned, "Ches... the boys..."

"Oh, you know Chester has no filter around the children," Talinda said lightly.

Mike just rolled his eyes, glancing down at Otis, who was sitting at his right. He was happily eating mac and cheese, and though he appeared oblivious to Chester's cursing, Mike knew he was listening to every word the adults said. "Still," he said sternly, squinting across the table at Chester.

The indifferent look on the vocalist's face made Mike grin. It was next to impossible for him to stay mad at Chester, or to even pretend that he was. He glanced at Anna, who was watching him. He smiled warmly and reached for her hand, squeezing it on the table between their plates, pleased when she smiled back at him. Her smile made him think of his daughter, fast asleep in the other room. Abi looked more like Anna every day.

The past few months had been an almost equal mix of family time and time in the studio, and Mike was feeling good about where both were headed. Anna was happy with the balance he'd struck between the two, and was even the one to ask him if he wanted to spend Christmas in Arizona when Talinda had invited them.

Now they were all around the dinner table, not unlike many meals they had shared in the past, and Mike could truly say he was happy. Content. The new album was coming together faster than A Thousand Suns had, and he felt comfortable in his skin. The only question mark right now was Chester's unpredictable moods, moods that seemed to shift the moment Mike questioned him about them. It's probably just typical Chester, nothing to worry about. He's like me... always wants to be working.