Talk To Me

-Strangeness and Charm-

Fitful darkness permeated every part of the surroundings, shifting and fading like an ocean of ink, dotted with millions of cold, bright stars.

This was all she ever saw, the endless cosmos, full of mysteries and emptiness and everything all at once, and she missed what she'd left behind.

It suffocated her.

She choked on the vastness of it all, the overwhelming sense of mindless eternity that she had never wanted to feel again, never wanted to feel like she did when she was buried under the water, buried with her. 

And it was her own fault. Her own fault that she had wrested herself from home, from her friends, her family, because she was scared. Her own fault that her dear companion was alone and dejected, missing her so badly. 

Her throat closed up. She clutched at it, chest heaving, trying so hard to breathe air that was never there in the first place. 

"I'm sorry..."

***

Lapis bolted straight up and gave a heaving gasp. She attempted to steady her breathing despite the invisible vise that seemed to be clamped around her neck. It took her a few seconds to realize it was her own hands that restricted her. An unconscious action leftover from her nightmare. Lapis loosened her grip, holding her trembling hands in front of her. In the stark lighting, her skin was a garish turquoise color. She placed them on her arms, rubbing up and down, a habit she had to soothe herself. 

The gem was sequestered in Steven's bathroom, where a mattress had been put down so that Lapis and Peridot could stay for the night. Neither of them had expressed any interest in sleeping at first and had stayed up talking and watching videos online, but the routine of choosing to slumber they had become used to overcame them. One of them must have forgotten to turn off the lights last night. It had to be morning now.

Lapis looked over at Peridot. She was curled into a ball, clutching her tech pad close like a child would do with a stuffed animal. She looked comfortable, peaceful almost in a way that she never was when she was awake and active. It was painful. Lapis' arms dropped to her sides and she thought about how she must have slept in here like this all the time, but without this peace she saw now on her face. Racked with guilt, Lapis eased herself to standing and quietly treaded to the door. She almost stepped on Pumpkin, who was snuggled in a pile of shirts almost in front of the door. The little squash had been in the bathroom after all, and a welcome sight to Lapis. She gave her a pat on the top of her 'head' and turned the knob as silently as she could, stepping into the hallway. Wan streaks of light shone on the floor just beyond the hallway. The sun was rising. 

Lapis went into the main area and looked around. There were gems everywhere, resting on various surfaces, sleeping, chatting, sharing tender exchanges, simply standing and watching. Only a few of them noticed she had entered their midst. She wasn't surprised. Ever since the original Crystal Gems had been uncorrupted they came and went, although it was almost never the same few gems. After all, there were so many of them. Lapis had made pleasant conversation at times and even made a few friendly acquaintances, but right now she was not in the mood. She worked her way to the front door, catching snippets of conversations as she passed.

"Well, I just think it's odd that-"

"Good morning!"

"And you actually ate it?"

"What do you mean-"

"-So I said, 'no more crabs'."

"I'm just...So confused!"

Lapis stopped dead in her tracks. She'd recognize that voice anywhere. 

"That's completely understandable, Jasper."

Garnet and Jasper were having a discussion on the couch about recent events most likely. If it had been anyone else and Garnet, that would have been fine. But because it was her, because it was now after everything, it was wrong. It made her feel trapped again.

"No-one's actually told me what happened. All I know is that I reformed in a giant fountain full of you Crystal Gems and the Diamonds covered in scars. It's disgusting."

"It's not disgusting. You're just not used to this."

Why was she listening? Why would she care about this?  Why was she still standing there, frozen, almost outside, where she could be alone with herself and not alone with others?

"I'll never be."

"That's' not true. I can see that one day you'll come around."

"What, and be a traitor like the rest of you? Never!"

Jasper's outburst caught the attention of several others. They muttered anxiously and withdrew closer together as if they were a school of fish being threatened by a shark. They're right, thought Lapis. 

They should be scared. 

Garnet seemed to notice the other gems' trepidation. 

"Let's talk outside."

Lapis knew she should move. She didn't want to get any closer to Jasper if she could help it. But she couldn't seem to. It was too late. The two had reached her already. 

Jasper and Lapis stared at each other with such intensity, with so many varying emotions that you didn't have to have powers like Garnet's to sense it. An entire library could have been filled with the stories in those eyes. 

"Lapis. You're in the way of the door."

Garnet said this gently, but to Lapis it felt harsh and heightened. Everything felt heightened. She really had to move now.

"Of course. Sorry."

"No need to apologize."

Lapis shifted out of the way, turning her back to the pair as they exited the house. The sun was fully rising at this point, it's once pale light now a luminous explosion of yellows and oranges. This light turned her skin a dull, muddy grey that matched the shadows cast by the sunlight. It all felt so unreal to her like it was a dream. She wished it was. 

Maybe it was best if she stayed with Peridot for now. Peridot would understand how Lapis felt when she woke up. She would know in ways that nobody else could. 

And for that, Lapis was grateful.