The Heartbreak Club

Distracted By Bright Lights

I know this will sound superficial (and shallow and ungrateful and in general not helping the millennial stereotype), but being a celebrity is really hard.

The red carpet is not for the faint of heart. The cameras are loud. Did you know that? You can't hear anything but people (strangers) calling your name. Not to mention the lights. They're so bright, they're blinding. So you can't see, you can barely hear and people are yelling at you. Under any other circumstance, that would be cause for panic, but what are you expected to do? Smile and strike a pose.

Once I braved my first red carpet hazing, the premier actually went really well. It was the tipping point. Pretty soon, I didn't have to hold my coffee cup facing outward in hopes that someone would recognize my name. It was happening left and right. They wanted autographs, photos and hugs. Total strangers wanted to hug me.

The difference between a hit blog and a hit show (besides everything), is that when the show takes off, you don't just sit there and watch the numbers. People want to interview you.

That was my start to the fall season. I was on every morning show and even a few late night shows. Everyone wanted to hear the story.

I wish I could say that I enjoyed it. It hurts to even think about it. I checked my phone every time a camera wasn't on me. No reply from Tony. Why keep looking when you know? It's like stabbing yourself and I stabbed myself many times over. I lay in bed each night feeling a two-ton weight on my chest. I sometimes wondered how I'd get up again.

When my generation wants to express how complicated something is, we say, "there's levels to this". For the first time, I realized that when it comes to heartbreak, there's levels.

Caden got the job with Byron Hillcrest. As if Byron needed another show. The man was an entertainment machine. He was up at 3 am on the radio, then filming his lifestyle show, followed by his talk show and now, he was launching a reboot of a classic game show. He'd chosen a great producer in Caden.

"You headed home for Thanksgiving?" he asked. We were at catering services on the set of Byron's talkshow, for which I was a guest.

"Nah," I shook my head.

"What? Why not? Come on, I thought we could take the same flight."

I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready to face dad. I wasn't sure I ever would be.

"I'm sticking around here."

Caden must have sensed how down I was. The following day, a dozen roses were delivered to my apartment.

"Em, let's take these broken hearts and learn to love again. See? The 80s have all the answers." The card read.

It did make me laugh but what did he mean "these broken hearts"? His too?

I didn't trust the feeling inside that wanted to call him. What did I have to lose? My apartment was so lonely and quiet I could hear my plant dying. If you don't know what a dying plant sounds like then you've never been a foolish love-klutz, broken hearted in the big city.

"Hello," he was excited.

"They're nice."

"You got the flowers."

"Yeah," I know my smile was detectable through the phone.

"Dinner?"

We met up at a small place he wanted me to try. He led me downstairs by the hand. It was underground, the divider walls were made of aquariums, the floor was cement painted to resemble the ocean. The atmosphere pulsated with energy.

After we'd eaten, he took a cab with me to my apartment.

"Caden, I'm not sure about an overnight."

"I get it. I have to earn it," he looked down. He planted a quick kiss on my cheek and hugged me tightly.

Inside, the thrill of having someone to spend time with wore off. Guilt set in. It wasn't about Caden earning anything. I was comfortable with him, he was as hot as he'd ever been, which for Caden Strong is really, really hot. I'd even forgiven him if that was possible. Someone had helped me see it differently. Caden dumping me for an actress wasn't about me. It was about him figuring out who he was. It was him being distracted by bright lights and he'd gotten blinded too.

That someone was the problem. For me, it wasn't over. How could he give me so much perspective about Caden but have none for me. I kicked my shoes off extra hard in frustration.

The next morning, I went into the network's office for a meeting with Byron Hillcrest. He was finishing up a call while working up a sweat on an elliptical machine.

"Emma!" He seemed more excited than I was. He toweled his face, stepping down to join me in the seating area. His assistant handed him a green beverage. "Kale smoothie?" he asked, showing the drink to me. The pulp of something floated to the top, I shook my head.

"No thanks, but it does make me feel at home. California," I said.

"Energy is everything," he said as we sat down. "You know who has energy right now?"

"Who?"

"You. Your blog, your show, everything you touch."

"Thank you. It's a whirlwind."

"It's a tiny dust up, Emma." He pinched his fingers together. "There's so much more."

"Really?" I mimicked his wild eyes.

"What are you doing for New Year's Eve?"

"I, uh." I didn't know.

"It's six weeks away."

"I know."

"Host it with me."

"T News Time Square ball dropping?" I was speechless. It was the number one New Years special since that one guy died.

"Emma," he was kundalini breathing as he spoke. "What cures a broken heart?"

"Time?"

"A new start." He hadn't waited for my answer. "What's the best new start?"

"A new year." I got the vision. He really was a genius. Some who worked with him complained that he was unpredictable and always going for tabloid moments. But working with him was guaranteed to make you a star.

As preparations got underway, I fell in and out of panic. It was the opportunity of a lifetime. But not every lifetime, one in a million.