Longing In Our Hearts

1

My name is Lara.

I am by no means a protagonist of a story, only a minor character who by chance has a life with purpose and a story of her own.

I was a wife of a very good looking man, a guy who was born to be a leader among men. My husband, Adam, was a definition of an ideal man and a husband material. He worked as an architectural team leader in a renowned architecture company in the city while I was an engineer in the same company.

He was a very caring and kindhearted man. As a husband, he understood me very well and even offered to divide the household chores. He made me feel like I was the happiest woman on Earth. There was nothing more that I could wish for. I was perfectly content with my life.

We met at a charity event the company hosted. It was a large scale event that invited every workers which explained the reason I was able to attend. The day of the event, I was having a hard time because of my family problem so I drank a bit too much than I usually did and as it was improper for me to stay at the event, I excused myself.

When I walked out of the company building, I must have looked very messy and drunk that he suddenly called out to me and offered to send me home. I was so drunk that I just agreed without thinking much. I found out later that he just parked his car after going out for an important matter when he saw me walking out. As a good man he was, he was concerned to let a drunk woman to go home on her own.

Sometimes when I thought back of that event, I was relieved that it was him who saw me and not other people. I was afraid that if it wasn't him, any other guy might take advantage of a drunk woman. And I might not get married to him.

After sending me home, the day after, we met again at a cafe near the company. I remembered his face and I apologized to him again and again. I didn't know what to do to repay him but then his friend, Elias helped me by telling me to treat Adam to a coffee. He told me that Adam liked coffee so much, he would be tremendously grateful for even one cup of good coffee.

To think back of it now, I think Elias suggested me that to matchmake us both. Mainly the reason was because Adam had been single for too long. Well, it worked.

After a cup of coffee, somehow we always coincidentally met. I don't know if it was Elias' idea or not because we often met when there was Elias as well. I was a shy person but after meeting him for a few times, I had finally develop a crush on him. And since then, it was me who created the coincidences for us to meet. It was never Adam who tried to see me, though.

It was too many times of 'meet-ups' that we both thought it was just right to exchange phone numbers and so we did. After half a year of keeping in touch, we decided to hook up and in the next few months, we got married.

We appeared to be a loving couple that it somehow seemed very dreamy and imaginary to other people. Sometimes, I did think if this was a dream. After all, everything seemed too good to be true.

But there was something that kept me in check with reality. A truth that reminded me that this wasn't a completely sweet dream after all.

To be honest, Adam didn't regard me as his other half. He loved me, but not with his all. There was someone else who had Adam's heart. She occupied a larger area in his heart than me. She was the reason he had been single for 5 years without any thought of finding anyone as his partner in life.

She was Adam's first love.

Adam's first love, Hana, was also his childhood friend. He always loved her, ever since they were young. But then, after they both got into a university, she got a boyfriend and at 23, they got married. Adam had a girlfriend too at that time - a girlfriend for only one month, but he admitted it was only due to frustration when he heard Hana was about to get married. After Hana officially became someone else's wife, he broke up with his girlfriend because he knew it was bad of him to treat someone as a rebound for Hana.

Honestly, he knew that to marry me while he still can't love me with all his heart wasn't right and he didn't actually want to have a deeper relationship with me, but we still did because I convinced him that I was okay with it. Well, I did, but sometimes when I was reminded of the fact, I was really troubled with it. But when I remembered that his first love was already married, it calmed me down. And he also agreed because he knew he needed to move on. Hana was already married, he needed to get over her.

And I convinced myself every day that if I stayed by his side from now on, the figure who was inside his heart would gradually change its shape into me.

We never really talked about her as we never saw the point. For me, at least.

I trusted Adam very much. He was an absolutely honest and gentle guy. He always told me if there was anything going on. We didn't keep secret from each other. So aside from Adam not loving me as much as I did him, everything was fine.

But like every other story, there must be conflicts to serve as obstacles from a happy ending.

For me, it happened at one night, a year and half old of marriage, just when we were about to sleep. That day was a really nice day. We managed to have a nice breakfast together and my work got praised by my boss, I was given a project to handle and at home, after dinner, Adam and I played around and cuddled sweetly. That day went by smoothly. Only the very nice day ended up bad with a sentence from Adam.

"Today, I met Hana." He said with a calm face and tranquil voice, looking at the ceiling while we both were laying down in bed, preparing to sleep.

As the words escaped his lips, my heart thumped loudly and I shut my eyes tight. The words echoed in my heart as I wasn't brave enough to say it aloud.

Adam, I'm sorry for not keeping my promise but I don't think I'm okay with it, after all.