Cigarettes, sunsets & Daydreams

The bestfriend

The way that I need

That day with the blue dress.
That day I asked you to take pictures for me.
That day I told you I loved you.
I didn't actually say it though.
That day I smiled at you.
I hugged you until I felt your warmth.
That day you slept in my bed because I was too drunk to be alone.
Your touch was exasperation to my brian because it knew you would never love me.
Your touch was what the blind side does to everyone's heart.
It does that to my heart.
My heart wanted you.
My heart wants you.
The way you look at me and hold my hands in front of you as if I were a small tender child.
You treat me kind and fair.
When you first told me you loved me
I knew it wasn't the way I needed you to love me.
I knew you'd go crawl in bed with another girl as soon as I was sober.
And you did.
It was my bed.
I was in it.
But so were you.
As was she.
I wasn't conscious until morning.
I didn't know that the one human on the planet who I trusted my soul with would damage me to no return.
I was once again the child being told their parents didn't love each other anymore.
I was once again the mother being told their child was dying.
I was dying.
It's 6 o'clock and I'm still tipsy.
I was out of bed and I know you didn't even miss me.
I found another bottle and drowned out the feeling of your touch on my skin.
I drowned out the feeling of your words
Ever so comforting
Now ever so- deceiving.
Though this doesn't mean
The way you look at me doesn't light up my world.
The way you hold me when I'm sad or the way you wipe my tears away
It still takes the pain away.
The way you say my name
Or when you thumb wrestle me
Those are the times my brain and my heart can agree upon one thing.
You do love me,
You just don't love me the way I need.