Strange // Ryllon

sixteen

I knock four times on the door, making sure to check around me. I stayed at a hotel for two nights but then I ran into a fan and I guess I got scared, so now I'm here.

The door opens and Jon's eyes widen. He pulls me inside and into a tight hug.

"Oh my God, you had me scared half to death! You can't do that to me, Ryan, you scared me so much and- why are you crying?" He asks, pulling away and closing the door.

"I messed up," I choke out. My voice is shaky and my head is pounding. I feel as if I've been holding it all in for the past two days and now I'm finally breaking. Dallon tried calling me once and texted me a few times but I haven't responded.

"What's wrong?" Jon asks me worriedly.

"I like him," I laugh desperately. I take a deep breath and look down, shaking my head. Jon carefully leads me to the couch. "I feel so helpless and-... and he doesn't like me that way. We messed up and got drunk and-... why can't I do something so simple correctly for once? Why does it have to be... have to be so fucking difficult?!"

"Ryan, hey, hey, breathe, hey," he says. My eyes are filled with tears.

"My heart actually hurts," I say, putting my hand on my heart before letting both hands just weakly fall onto my lap.

"Was it... Brendon?"

"No, no, I'm... after this, I'm definitely over him," I say. I have hardly thought of him and the mentioning of him doesn't piss me off anymore, so I guess it's okay. "I'm talking about Dallon."

Jon tenses as if he has suddenly pieced something together. "Wait, you're the person he was-... oh."

"What about me?" I ask while frowning and wiping the tears from my cheeks. There's no use, though, because they end up falling again.

"Spencer said Dallon was hungover the other night when he went to go check on him and was really upset about something. He was quiet and Spencer told me he looked like he had been crying for hours. His eyes were red and puffy and-... Spencer said he just looked like a mess and he went on about messing up and not taking chances and anxiety and stuff," Jon explains. "Ryan, what happened? Obviously you two were together because you're wearing his sweater right now and you're both upset about each other."

I shake my head. I don't think I can even speak without breaking. I don't wanna talk yet, so I just say, "I want him."

Jon sighs and seems to know I'm not ready. He pulls me into a side-hug and I just close my eyes.

"Hey, Ryan, it's gonna be okay. Just breathe and try to relax, okay?"

"Okay," I whisper.

I want him so much.