Strange // Ryllon

fifteen

When Dallon appears in the kitchen, part of me relieved he put on some boxers and pajamas, he looks at me with a confused and exhausted look. His hair is messy, he has a few hickeys across his neck and collarbones, and I know I do too.

"Good morning," I whisper, handing him a pair of sunglasses.

"What happened last night?" He asks, whispering as well as he walks over, grabbing the cup of water and medicine from my hands.

"Well, we got drunk over playing shot games, I think we played more games until we got bored and started talking, and then... um, then we had sex," I say slowly and nervously while looking down. I can't see his eyes but I know he is shocked.

"Wh... what makes... how do you know? Like, um, for-... for sure?"

"I am extremely sore, we're covered in hickeys, and I woke up to us naked and cuddling. I may not exactly know how I feel the morning after getting fucked, but I'm pretty sure this is it," I explain.

"Wait, you... you've never been...?"

I shake my head and he tenses up some more. Yeah, sure, Brendon has fingered me and eaten me out, but he's never actually fucked me.

I grab my tea and take a drink. I can't say it, I can't just tell him I like him and wish it was sober sex. Fuck, I can't fucking do this anymore.

"I'll, uh... I think I'll see if I can stay with Jon for a while," I tell him. His head shoots up and his body relaxes, but he seems upset.

"You, um... you don't have to go. If you don't want. I mean, I've never had a drunk hookup, nor have I ever had a regular hookup, but I'm sure this can work out. It, uh... it doesn't have to be awkward." Yes, yes, we can get together and date and- "We can pretend it never happened. I mean, we don't remember anything, so it's basically like it never happened."

I scoff and shake my head. "You-" I look down as I wipe my face, trying to refresh myself. "Fuck, you just don't get it, do you?"

"What?"

I drink the rest of my tea and place it in the sink, then laugh and internally thank myself for the sunglasses otherwise Dallon would see my tears.

"Nevermind. Just sleep and turn your phone on lowest brightness level, plus on silent. Drink water and shower, it'll make you feel more fresh. I'll leave and you don't ever have to see me again," I say as I quickly walk past him, my arm hitting his. I gather the small amount of items I have and grab about $100 from my wallet. I change into my jeans, my heart and head pounding. Screw him, I don't need him. I don't even like him, do I? What is it, boredom? Do I just miss the feeling of being with someone? Fuck him.

I turn around after putting my shoes on and ordering an uber that is luckily just a few streets away, and I see Dallon standing in the doorway. His glasses are off and he's back to wearing his regular glasses.

"Here's some money for all the trouble I caused you," I say, shoving the money into his hands and walking down the hallway before he can disagree.

He grabs my wrist and pulls me back, quickly pinning me against the wall. Something rushes through my body but there's no dark, seductive look in his eyes.

He looks scared.

I can't let this happen, I know that. I know what happens when this happens, and it's not good. I can't do that to myself again. I can't go through this again.

"Get off of me," I say quietly and bitterly. He looks so heartbroken, but he lets go of my wrists and steps back. My phone dings, informing me that my uber is now here.

"Can... um, I just..." I turn around to look at him once I get the door open. He tries to speak, but all he manages are a few random words and stutters. "Be safe," he eventually says.

I bite the inside of my lip and do my best not to run towards him and kiss him. I want him, and so I close the door behind me and walk towards the car. He doesn't want me.

And I know better than to be with someone who doesn't want me.