Strange // Ryllon

seventeen

"I'm worried about him," Jon whispers over the phone. "He's hardly gotten off of the couch and he hasn't said a word to me since when he first got here."

"Dallon is off too. He's trying to make sure everyone is fine, then when we ask him if he is alright, he gets all weird just looks down and changes the subject. I told him I knew it has something to do with Ryan, but he won't respond. I can head over to his house now, if you want?"

Jon thinks, not quite sure. Maybe Dallon wants to be left alone and forget, but considering Ryan's state right now, it might be best.

"Yeah, go do that. I haven't heard from him in a while anyway, I wanna know that he's okay," Jon says, looking over at Ryan cautiously. He's staring at the sharpened pencil, obviously tired and sad.

"Okay, well I'll call you later then. I love you."

"I love you too, talk to you later." Jon hangs up and puts his phone in his pocket. Ryan brings the tip to his hand and begins to push down. Jon hurries over and takes it from him. His hands drop almost lifelessly and he looks at his best friend briefly. "What can I do?"

Ryan doesn't answer. He doesn't even move, and Jon feels like he's losing it.

"You need to talk to me, Ryan, I don't know how to help you and I don't even know everything that happened. Dallon is-" Ryan flinches at the name, "- being just as quiet and distant, so obviously whatever happened-"

"What am I doing wrong?" Ryan finally asks. His voice is weak and quiet, like a frail, dusty white curtain in an abandoned house. Once full of energy and now it's empty and almost useless because no one wants it.

"What do you mean?"

Ryan swallows and tries to rid of the pain in his chest. "Why do I only want people who don't want me?"

Jon sits down, placing the pencil on the table, and faces him.

"Brendon loved you more than anything, Ryan. Yes, what happened was bad, but he still wanted you. He wanted you for months and he told me he has finally processed that you two aren't gonna happen ever again. Spencer has told me before that Dallon's been acting real quiet and distant and I... it's obvious he likes you to some extent."

"He-... from the moment I met him, I told myself I couldn't do it again, and I did, Jon, I fucking did!" Ryan says, standing up and running his fingers through his hair.

"Did what?" Ryan looks down and he stands. "Ryan, I can't help you until you tell me what's going on, and right now I have no clue what-"

"I fell in love with him!" Ryan shouts, turning and helplessly spreading his arms out, and the rush of sadness runs through him immediately. He hasn't said it out loud.

Jon looks at him in shock and slight fear. He's not scared of him, no, he's scared for him. Ryan has gone on rants about how he is never gonna fall in love again, and now he's breaking down.

"There was a gas leak in my apartment and my phone was dead at the time, but I had Dallon's number in my pocket, so I went to a payphone and called him. He took me in and had me stay at his for a while, and I started realizing I really like him, but then one night we got drunk and had sex, and then the next morning he just told me we can pretend it never happened, and I finally snapped. I-... God, Jon, I'm so in love with him and I can't fucking take this anymore. I can't... I can't love someone who doesn't love me again!"

"Woah, okay, hey, it's okay, come here," Jon says while gently pulling him close. Ryan leans against him. "Relax, it's gonna be okay, okay? We're gonna figure this out and fix it and it'll all be okay."

"I'm in love with him, Jon, and... I haven't felt this in so long. I'm so scared, I have no clue how to handle this, and I'm so close to losing it."

Jon holds him tighter. He knows exactly what Ryan means, and he knows 'losing it' means suicide. Ryan now knows why he felt so protective when he found Dallon's antidepressants, because he knows how it feels to be so low that you have to rely on a little pill to make it all better. He hasn't stopped feeling depressed ever since the split. Dallon made it a little better but now Ryan's back to being so incredibly low that he can hardly handle it.

"I'm scared," Ryan says, words coming out as a terrified whisper. "I'm so scared."

"I know. It'll end in either heartbreak or death, so before you step further, I want you to think if you want... you know."

Ryan stops a bit, trying to think before eventually saying, "Are you asking if I want to marry him?" Ryan pulls away, but Jon keeps his hands on his arms.

"You clearly love him, and now that I know, it's insanely obvious and I feel dumb being so clueless, but... Spencer and I kinda had this deep discussion the other night about how we're all starting to get too old to have flings, and I don't know if this is just us, but we feel like-"

"I think wanna marry him," Ryan says, and so Jon shuts up. He nods. "But he doesn't want that, does he?"

Jon goes to speak but his phone begins to ring and he sighs. "Get some rest though, okay? You haven't slept that well recently."

Ryan lays down on the couch as Jon answers his phone. He blocks out most of the conversation, but quickly notices that Jon is starting to panic. Ryan tries to get his attention, just to see if he will explain, but Jon just hurries to grab some things.

"I'll be right there." Jon hangs up but immediately calls someone else. He gestures for Ryan to come with him. They get outside and into his car and Jon begins to talk as they close the doors. Jon buckles but Ryan doesn't. "Listen, I'm gonna drop Ryan off at your place. I'll text you later and explain, but right now I just gotta drop him off and I need him to stay with you for the night, is that fine?"

Ryan tugs at his sleeves as the car begins to move forward. He feels exhausted. Jon was right, he hasn't slept in a while. He tries to but then he starts overthinking and suddenly the sun is rising and Jon is walking into the living room.

Ryan zones out for a large portion, nearly falling asleep a few times, but soon they're pulling up to a house and Jon is shaking Ryan gently. Ryan looks up, then looks around. He doesn't know where they are, but they get out of the car and Jon leads him to the front door, looking around cautiously.

Ryan looks around. The sun is setting and the sprinklers are on, spraying the dark green grass. It's a mystery how anyone can keep up with making sure their grass is green or their flowers are growing. Ryan can hardly make sure he eats enough daily, let alone keep an entire garden healthy and thriving.

Jon knocks on the door and Ryan tries to figure out where he is, who both him and Jon know who is alright with Ryan staying with him so quickly, and then it hits him.

"You did not-"

The door opens and Ryan's heart sinks.

"I'll explain later, but yeah, make sure he eats and sleeps, because he hasn't done either in a while. No fighting, be nice," Jon says, last part to both of them, and Brendon nods. Jon leaves and Brendon steps back so Ryan can walk in. Ryan sighs and does so, already regretting on going with.