Day in the life of me

The shoes...

I believe I have mentioned that I have anxiety, If not I am now. So that mean basically I sometimes get " worked up" and upset over little things and sometimes I get " Worked up" and upset over small things. I means that I walk into a room and often find myself scanning for the exits. Most of the time its not too bad unless Something happens and there is blood, I'm going to the doctors or I have to make a decision. A decision like picking between two pairs of shoes. 

To be completely fair to me I don't typically get this worked up. Normally I would just pick a pair of shoes and leave out the door. But we ( my Nana and Me) were buying New shoes for Seed of Peace, and they where both expensive. Even with the discount. The bigger problem being that neither of them where shoes that I really Loved. They where Ok feeling shows but not shoes I would love to wear all the time. My Nana said something to the effect of " Pick one or if you want we can go somewhere else and leave these ones." I think she meant to help me pick one. But Pa was out in the car waiting and I felt like I needed to hurry and I didn't really want my grand mother buying me expensive shoes if I didn't love them.  So she starts walking towards the counter and I pick the black and pink pair. I start towards the counter and get this really sick feeling in my stomach. I turn put the shoes on the shelve and turn back to my Nana.

" Neither, Lets go." And I basically bolt from the situation. 

The thing is I needed those type of shoes and when we got into the car my grand mother pointed that out. She even mentioned that we spent all that time and didn't get anything, I thought she was mad. The next stop was a health food stare where I Apologized for not picking a pair of shoes. 

" Fine I just don't understand why." She sounded frustrated and I felt bad and a little frustrated with myself, Why couldn't I pick a pair and be done with it. 

later when I got back to my Nanas house I was sitting their and explained that I picked a pair felt like i was going to throw up an bolted. I then explained the good and bad parts of both shoes and Nana said she thinks it was mostly due to the price to wear ratio I anticipated, and that she thought I would probably wear them a lot more than I thought  the conversation ended. 

The next night my comes to down to see me, we're in the process of moving, and asks why i didn't get a pair of shoes. I explain again and she says that this is a better investment than what she made with my brothers prom shoes and what she would likely make with my prom dress ( I'm not 100% sure I'm going except senior year). She than  asks if i'd rather have a pair of 100 dollar sneakers or a pair of a 100 dollar sandles. 

" But those shoes aren't sandles." 

" 100 dollar sandles or 100 dollar sneakers."

this was not helping I had almost forgotten about the shoes and it was back. " Sandles I guess." 

Today I wake up and my grandmother said we were going back to get some shoes and which ones did I think I wanted. I told her the pink and black ones. We go into the store and get the shoes, actually getting a bigger size than we had two day ago and as I turn to go to the counter my Nana says, " Oh what about these ones." 

She held up a totally different type of shoe. " I guess I'll try it on," 

When we finally got out of the shop, with the black and pink shoes, I say " You guys really need to stop doing that!" 

" What?" 

" Offering a last minute option." Last minute options are awful. The best way to present another option for me is to mention it before, not well I'm making a decision or have just made a decision with. Last minute options are the things that kill me. 

My Nana shrugs and we go and see The Lion King. I prefer the original. 

When I get back to my Nanas my mom is there and says something about returning them. My Nana says we can. 

" You need to stop offering to bring them back!" I say, " It makes me want to get rid of them." 

My Nana and mom give me this blank ' You're so silly' look that I hate. 

So yah. That's how I almost gave myself an anxiety attack picking between two pairs of shoes and the ensuing realization that I hate last minute options and people giving me an out after I made a decision. That's basically my shoes story. 

TL;DR: I don't like making decisions and when I do make a decision please don't offer another option after I made it.

Don't forget you can DM me anything your curious about, want me to look into or just want to hear my opinion on. This Is Rose, I hope to see you next time.