THINKING AGAIN BEFORE THE MOVE

CHAPTER ONE

*Frame freeze* You must be thinking how I ended up in a place like this right? One room-kitchen Paradise (though the bathroom's 3 miles down the road but still a great place never the less), in the same apartment as your friendly neighbourhood superhero-not Spiderman the real hero' Your Drug Guy!

Oh I forgot to introduce myself, I'm Da Dude Vince but my parents call me "Disappointment". And the fact I'm writing this is because something happened that changed my life forever...but we'll get back to it a moment till then let me introduce you to the characters in this epic tale, Narrator and others will follow up in coming pages.

Narrator: You see this place is a total wreck but things weren't like this earlier, he lost his mansion, dog and his Porche which this idiot inherited from his super rich parents, in a gambling bet for a slice of blueberry cheese cake with the lord of gambling "Mr. Lord Gamble" yes, his name is actually that. Soon he was black listed from all most all major companies and his family. He ended up living in a shitty one room rented house filled with drug addicts in the shadiest neighbourhood in the whole state. This dude is a total failure and indeed a disappointment.

Hey dude you can't say all that stuff! I'm the lead of this story and this is MY tale so back off

Narrator: Don't interrupt me while I'm talking and it's my job to give the readers a clear picture of your real personality.

Well yea but you could have told them that I lost my family and house while trying to save the city from a nuke sent off by the Russians to elI'minate the upcoming election's candidates.

Narrator: I'm a man of truth...

Dude I have an I'mage to main'tain

Narrator: Bro I do what I gotta do

But...ugggh alright carry on

Narrator: You can skip that part If you want. Alright back to your epic adventure. This all started when our Da Dude Vince went for yet another interview...

Hey hey lemme tell them this part. So went for an interview to a multinational chain of culinary and fine dinning restaurants spread across 80+ countries and on my wa-

Narrator: dude it was McDonalds

Oh you done can I speak now? So as I was saying on my way I found something lying near the trash cans against the local pig slaughterhouse in a dark alley that could change my life forever, something that Charlie would swap his golden ticket just to take a glimpse. I found the humanities most seeked document which even Nazis failed to get, but it was right there in the palm of my hands, the glorious "the N-WORD PASS"!!! But as I lived in a fairly white neighbourhood and knowing the N-WORD is a NO-NO word I left it where I found it in the first place for some other lucky nigga.

Narrator: what you instead? Of telling our readers about the incident where you were abducted by Nicolas Cage looking aliens who held you hostage for 6 months on a literal spaceship, you told them about a piece of garbage document you found in a dustbin!! And what were you doing there in the first place?!

Psst...everyone can tell that "piece of garbage of a document" Is the more important and interesting thing here. And I was in that alley because of a serious business, damn too few toilets in our city.

Jump to seven months later. I was sitting in my couch and wondering about normal everyday stuff that normal intellectual people like me think about. Things like what if aliens do exist? Or what if global warming is actually a Chinese conspiracy? What if earth is actually round? What if all this is real? What if Chuck Norris is actually my dad? And stuff like that.

So that night me being alone in the darkness of night a thought struck me, what if I start writing a novel as its super cheap and easy all I had to do was think about a great story that my readers would enjoy reading. And I did. I wrote about a story full of adventure, horror, love and surprise I wrote about that one time I ate a burrito for the first time and really loved it. Sadly only 2 copies were sold and I had to print them all by myself because apparently publishers like Penguin considered it written by a fourth grader. But in reality, it was an epic book, my parents vouch for it. They both loved it.