Inside my mind- A diary

Pt 8: "This is going to be the best summer ever"

This is going to be the best summer ever. I'm going to swim, get to meet new people, sunbathe, hang out with friends etc. Or so I thought...

This summer started so well, but then I don't know what happened. All I keep thinking is "I'm so f***** bored". I don't think I have ever felt this bored before. It's a mix of bored, sad, lonely and empty. Sometimes I even feel like I am cursed. Like I'm not supposed to have fun, and if I do, it's just temporary. I don't think I have been happy for more than 1 week straight in my whole life. Like seriously, how can one have such bad luck?

I hate to express myself like that. Like someone that you should feel "sorry" for. Because I know. Heck I KNOW, that there are people who have it a trillion times worse than I do. I can only imagine how many people who would have been soo grateful to step in my shoes. But still I can't help it. No matter how true that is, that many people have it worse than me, it doesn't change what's going on in my life. It doesn't change what I have to deal with everyday. And maybe it's okay? Maybe it's okay to be sad, to take your time. It feels like a never ending loop, but I know that I will get over this feeling. I just can't seem to have faith right now..

The worst part is feeling like there's nothing you can do. I mean you can always try, but what do you do when you only have like 2 friends, who you don't meet that often? I remember two months ago when I had so much going on at school with finals and stuff, I would feel so relieved when I watched a movie. I was happy to be able to switch my brain off for a little while. And now, watching movies and series is all I do. And I hate it xD. No, but like seriously there is no balance in my life. I remember at east-break, I went out with my friends every single day. And I just wanted to stay at home and rest for at least one day, because it was too much. And now I have absolutely no where to go with nobody. As you can tell, either I do much at once, or I do nothing. And I can assure you, this is not by choice. I just go with the flow.

Go with the flow. That sounds nice. I think I have been stressing about "not doing anything". And that's not going to give me anything good in return. I should just simply go with the flow, and try to enjoy summer, even if I have to do it alone. Self love honey, there's nothing wrong with that.

I think this has been the longest diary yet. As I was writing this, I felt so sad. And then at the end I just felt so much better. That's what I like about writing. I can just write my own thoughts, without actually having to talk to somebody. It's my own type of therapy. And I always feel better after finishing a diary, even if the content, if that's what you can call my boring diaries, is kind of depressed and sad most of the times, most of them are positive and motivational at the end. Thank you so much for reading. As always. Love/ X ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️