Yeah.. I Know.

Staying Strong

When I heard Kreig's voice, I could immediately tell something was seriously wrong.

"Kaitlyn! It's Charlie! Charlie's been in a car wreck."

I drop to the seat behind me out of shock,my phone sent falling to the floor, and I want to cry,but only for a second. I get up and call Kreig back.

"Kreig? Come pick me up from the mall! Hurry!"

He said he'd be there in 10 and I hung up.

What is going on? Not just right now, but all of it put together. I thought my life was getting better. My life is falling apart. Almost literally. What am I doing wrong?

When Kreig came screeching into the parking lot, I jumped in the truck and told him to get to the hospital. By the time we got there, my heart was pounding so hard I felt like my chest would explode, and my face was soaked with tears. I burst through the doors demanding to see Charlie.

Just by the mention of his name, the nurses face went sheet white, as she tried to explain that he was in the ICU and only family was allowed back there.

"His family is dead! We ARE his family! Now let me through there or I swear I will sue you for all you're worth!"

She quickly told me the room number and shuffled away. As I sprinted to his room a thousand thoughts rushed into my mind. But the one I thought the most was no matter how horrible it is. He can't die. He just can't.

When I got to his room I burst through the door to find a chaos of nurses and doctors hooking him up to all sorts of wires and machines. I put my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming. His body, a bruised and bloody mess. As soon as a nurse notices me she grabs me by my shoulders and tried to back me out. But I couldn't risk leaving, I screamed as loud as I could and used every muscle in my legs to push myself forward up to his bed side. I grabbed his hand just as two security guards came rushing in to pick me up and carry me out. By then, I was all out of fight.

When I got to the waiting room I sat in the nearest chair. Kreig came over to me with tear soaked, red, swollen eyes. When he sits next to me, his face crumples and his head falls on my shoulder. I can feels the sobs shake his body. I turn and throw my arms around his neck.

Before I know it, Kreig's asleep on my shoulder. At around 2 am Dustin bursts through the doors panting with a worried look on his face. I quickly stand, jerking Kreig from his slumber. I felt bad about it too. For waking Kreig.

Sleep is the only place where you don't feel anything. When you're asleep you can't feel pain, you can't feel sadness, you don't even feel happy. You just sleep.

Dustin stops dead when he sees Kreig and I. As Dustin stumbles over to us you can see he's trying hard to be strong. I tell him with my eyes that it's ok to fall apart. He bursts into sobs. As I hug Dustin, a nurse comes over to us with an update.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news."

She pauses then continues as we hold our breath.

"He's much too injured to be awake while he heals, he would be in too much pain. With that in mind, we put him in a chemically induced coma. Other than that he has some internal bleeding and some brain swelling and some broken bones. The good news is that the rest is on the outside with the cuts and all, and he should be good as new in a couple of months. You may go see him but keep in mind that he's in a coma."

I release the breath I was holding and hugged Kreig and Dustin. I'm so relieved. When I walk in, I stumble back at the sight of him. His body is covered in cuts and bruises. The doctors put casts on what they could. I reach for his bloody bandaged hand. I almost imagine him waking up and squeezing it like nothing is wrong. But that's the thing. Everything is wrong. I stare at his still beautiful face and push the hair back from his eyes. And I start to sing.

Well it's a sad picture. The final blow hits ya.

Somebody else gets what you wanted again.

You know it's all the same, another time and place, repeating history and you're getting sick of it.

But I believe in whatever you do. And I'll do anything to see it through.

Because these things will change. I can feel it now. These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down.

I kiss his forehead and and lean my head down to his chest to listen to his beautiful heartbeat. The heartbeat I have listened to so many other times. The one that still flutters when I touch him, the one that beats so hard when he's mad. The one that makes up the most compassionate and loving heart I've ever loved.

I start to cry and scream.

"This can't be happening! It can't!"

I'm gripping the sides of the bed so hard my knuckles are white. Dustin comes and grabs my shoulders. I pathetically pound on his chest. All he does is hug me tight.