HELPLESSLY // MITCHEL CAVE

|36|

"He what? Okay. Yeah. Alright. I'll tell her. I'm gonna come visit as soon as I can. I'll see you then. Bye love you too."

I buried my head further into my pillow not wanting to hear any type of noise, Alexa was just on the phone with someone. Probably Christian. I miss him. And the rest of the boys. And Mitchel..

"A.J? Can I come in?"Alexa knocker at my door. I let out a long sigh but told her yes.

"What do you need ma'am?"I asked from under my pillow. She seemed to hesitate even though I couldn't see her.

"I don't really know how to tell you this. You have to look at me A.J."She slowly said. I sighed and didn't move.

"Aurora get u-"

"Don't call me that!"I sat straight up and looked at her. She cursed under her breathing having forgotten who else called me that. I sighed for the millionth time and rubbed my eyes.

"Mitchel overdosed."The words fell out of her mouth. I froze. I felt like I couldn't move. My heart just stopped. Time stood still.

"What? What do you mean he overdosed? He couldn't have. No way. That's not..you're joking right? Please tell me you're fucking joking holy shit! Are you serious?! You're serious! Holy fucking shit no! No no no no no! He can't be dead! Not my Mitchel! Please god no I need him! He can't be gone! Fuc-"I started sobbing and hyperventilating at the same time all until Alexa grabbed me. She looked me in the eyes so I would snap out of it.

"He's not dead. He's in the hospital. He's gonna be okay. I'm going over there now to support the boys..do you wanna come with me?"She wasn't sure if she should ask or not. I let out a shakey breath but nodded. I didn't wanna see him or see the boys because I was too embarrassed but I think I'm just way too worried to even care right now. God he's such an idiot.

I hopped out of my bed and threw on a hoodie and shorts. I finally wiped the makeup off my face and fixed my hair since I didn't know if he was awake or not. Once I looked as decent as someone post break up slash the man of your dreams almost dying could look I rushed out the door with Alexa. She was hardly dressed either. In fact now that I'm paying attention it's actually three in the morning.

She drove to the hospital he was at. I'm actually kinda confused with myself. I broke up with him because I'm not ready to be in love. But the thing is if I wasn't in love why would I feel all of this? I feel like I just lost Joey all over again. Except this time I think it's fucking worse. I can't lose Mitchel. I need him. I don't know what to do or how to feel. I can't figure out my own emotions.

"We're here."She said. I didn't even nod, just got out of the car and started walking behind her. When we were inside she gave the front desk his name and we were given the room number.

He was in the ICU. I only knew that because that's where Joey was the night he died. Rooms 400-900 were all ICU rooms, Mitchel was 683. Joey has been 701..

Flashback

"I'm his fiancé! Let me in!"I screamed at the doctors. I was being held back by security not allowed into the hospital room where they were trying to revive Joey.

"Ma'am you can't go in there right now! If you want him to survive give them space!"I was told over and over. I eventually gave up and sat down outside the door sobbing. The door was closed and I couldn't hear anything.

I still knew he was dying. They weren't going to be able to save him. I just wanted to be in there to say goodbye.

Minutes passed until a doctor came out to see me. "I'm so sorry miss, but we can't save him. We did everything we could. You can go see him if you want, he's awake. Barely breathing but he's aware."The doctor told me. I immediately jumped up and rushed into the room to his side.

"Joey baby hi."I kneeled down at the side of the bed. His face had so, so many gashes. They had him in a neck brace. I couldn't see anything from the neck down though as it was covered in blankets.

"Aurora. I'm so sorry."His voice was weak and barely even there. I squeezed my eyes shut careful not to lose it. I wanted him to die peacefully. Not with me crying:

"Don't be sorry it wasn't your fault. You didn't know it was going to happen. Listen to me baby, I love you. So much. And I promise I'm never going to love anyone else more than you. That's a sin. I can't replace you. And trust me I never want you to leave this Earth but you're in pain right now. Don't hold on for me Jo. Let go. Go be free. I want you to be free."I held his hand. His eyes were closed but his pulse was still there, though it was getting slower by the second.

"Aurora I love you. Don't do that to yourself. I just want you to be happy. I'll be free and so will you. I want you to be free. You have to let go of me when I'm gone. I'll always be with you but you need to be free. Go be happy. Do it for me. I don't care when or how but when the time comes just do it. Please. I love you..but you don't have to love me when I'm gone..thank you for everything. I love you."His breathing became a struggle. Once those last words slipped out of his mouth he was gone. He wasn't on Earth anymore. Doctors rushed into the room to take his body but I had barely even noticed the sounds of the heart monitor going crazy.

I broke down into tears unable to let go of his hand. All of a sudden I felt arms wrap around me and I didn't even care whose they were. "You have to let go babe. He's gone."Alexa's voice whispered in my ear. I hesitated but still let go and held her arms around me. I couldn't move. Only cry. This is the worst I've ever felt in my life.

I don't think anything will ever make me feel this way again. But if it does..

I guess I would have to lose the love of my life all over again...

A/N: but ooooh that's how she feels about losing Mitchel rn