|OLD| 666: Kaitlyn's Nightmare

Does she not?

Is this what life after death feels like?
I don't feel alive but I know I'm not dead.
I'm numb.

I don't feel my limbs.
They move.
I know I'm moving them but I don't feel them.
I see them but I don't feel them.

I'm terrified.
I'm unsure of why I'm so scared, but I am.

The white void is kind of tiring to look at.
I start to try to imagine things.
It's entertaining.
At first, I imagined silly things like puppies and glitter rainbows.
I didn't expect it to work but it did.

Unfortunately, I couldn't imagine my mother or Jasper.
They were a blur.
I couldn't even remember their faces.

I feel bad for it.
I can't remember the two I love the most.
I would've settled for Clary or Dad, but no.
Nothing.

Nothing.

I'm in a complete void of my own imagination.
It's scary.

Ava?
Is Ava even here to talk to me anymore?

She usually never leaves me alone. This feels so strange. It feels so weird. It's sickening. Why do I feel so alone?

This is all my fault. I deserve to feel alone. I've made everyone feel like they're worthless to me, haven't I?

If they all were so important to me, then why can't I remember anything about them? I feel as if somebody has a string around my mind. They're picking off memories one by one, making me watch as everybody crumbles around me like a castle of burnt cookies.
It'll crumble and fall and break. Nobody remains.
Nobody to care about.

"Do they even love you, Ȧ̴̬͕̳̽v̶̱̰̲̞̔̄̕a Kaitlyn?"

"Who's there?" I call out only to hear my own echo off the none exist void walls. "Hello?" I say louder, the echo managed to entertain me for a while as I babble at the blank imagination board. No voice answered me. Probably thought I was too childish to talk to.

I'm laughing.
Honestly, I'm laughing so hard that it's beginning to hurt.

I miss my Jasper again. 

She would think something as simple as this was hilarious. I just know it.

I can imagine her laugh. Her smile. She's beautiful.
I can't forget her.
Her voice. I miss it. It was so graceful. 
She's my star.

But is she only my star? Does somebody else love my star?
Does Ava love my star?


It feels true. Maybe she does.
Would Jasper choose Ava over me?

She wouldn't. She loves me.
She loves me.


Does she not?