Silver Claws

21. Nothing teaches like pain

I hide among treetops a coward.

I left the pack behind by a few miles before scaling a tree. It took great effort to stop, I wanted the water so badly. It would be so easy to make it to the coast and swing into my cave on the clifface.

I shuddered, what I wanted no longer mattered. I had true purpose now. The pack.

What about Logan?

I didn't know, I didn't know. He didn't want me. I didn't need to ask him the questions I had, I knew the answers. He never would have chosen me. If it weren't for the bond, he would have me leave. I was no one's idea of a mate. His search for a replacement proved that, everything about his return left my temper boiling into my mouth.

Would I have chosen him?

No. Not now. Before...

It made me angry with myself. Not so long ago mates meant nothing. I would have killed a wolf pack. Why did I care so much? Why was I expecting an apology?

I winced as the emotions whirled up. It seemed I was as turbulent as the sky, a storm would roll in soon, just in time for the Alphas to arrive. When Saturn mentioned the Eupopean Alpha, I felt a burst of nerves I hadn't expected. Anticipation. Of more than just the unknown, it reminded me of when I was first sizing up Logan--- deciding if I could really fight him and win. When I'd weighed the possible damage.

I was sure we would wait until the Alphas left for the pack to move south, Autumn whispered gently through the air, the wind was cooling and promising colder temperatures to come. I tried to cling to it...pretend I could taste salt in the air, salt on my tounge...

I leaned back against the rough trunk. I knew I was being looked for, my name called by the betas and the Alpha-heir. I wanted time to myself, to look at no one. Answer to no one. Just for a little while.

More than anything I wished the bond would disappear, then I could too. It would be a relief to Logan to not have to deal with me anymore. I could fade into the shadows without a trace, melt away like a nightmare forgotten in daylight. Maybe try to find Dag.

Thinking of Dag made me uncomfortable. Far too conflicted than I had any right to. I'd been hollow the last time I'd seen him, I never changed from a snow leopard to even speak to him. Two years after we left the Viper nest he found me, and I spared him only to repay my debt for saving my life. We were in the north, and I'd left him staring after me as I took off into the frozen tundra. I'd never even looked back at his tormented face.

I moaned softly. The ultimate insult, he probably hated me as much as Logan. As much as the betas. I was positive they hid their dislike for me, knowing that I was stuck here. Caught like a fly in honey. I deserved the rejection, I deserved this pain. I deserved to be replaced.

But I couldn't bear it. The idea of anyone trying to take Logan as their's sent me into a frenzy, like fresh blood in the water. I would devour them, wipe them from the earth and string their fangs for him to see.

I waited until it was dark, the stars blocked by grey clouds that blurred the moon's light. I had missed dinner, and I finally had enough of an appetite that my stomach protested. The bond ached dully, not as acute until I thought about leaving.

I couldn't avoid going back forever. I slid to the ground and slowly walked back, my pale skin standing out in the dark. Moon-like. The night leeched away the color of the trees, everything was varying shades of black and grey.

I passed the patrol who eyed me suspiciously. I flashed my teeth and the wolf turned away, giving me a wide berth.

The home was quiet the air warm and still, I crept up to my den and tried to choke down Logan's scent. It was so strong now, it had faded in his absence. It felt like I was inhaling straight smoke, setting my lungs on fire.