A Train To Chicago

Liz's Purpose

My eyes focused on the contours of his face, his defined cheekbones illuminated by the reflection of the snow outside the window as we approached the eastern side of the continent.
Eyes were my favourite part- albeit he was asleep at this very moment, I had memorised those deep green eyes from yesterday.
My lungs restricted my enjoyment of the moment, I knew that the six months I was given would be over soon, I reckoned one might be possible.
As I wiped the blood from my mouth I noticed Harry's eyes open.
I sat up straight and put away my sketch book, taking out my novel again. I was nearly finished 'The Distance'... I felt confused by this book, I almost felt connected with the protagonist, feeling lost in a world I've lived in all my life.
"How are you?" Asked Harry, his eyes squinting at me.
"I'm good." I lied, physically I felt awful, but I suppose in this specific moment in time, as the train gently rattled on towards Chicago, and I sit on a bench, one hand on my knee and the other on the table. Opposite to me is the first friend I've made in years, the only one so it seems that actually understands me.
As the sun blossoms in the late afternoon sky, I feel almost warm while the heat penetrates through the window. It's still cold and snowy outside, but in here I'm safe from everything.

"Excuse me? Sorry guys- don't mean to disturb, but can either of you two sing? -or not sing- I really don't care!" I recognised the Irish man in his tight pink shirt from the train station back in L.A. He was with his boyfriend or husband I assumed. Husband I concluded, looking at his rather obnoxious wedding ring.
Harry was the first to laugh, and I quickly followed.
"Sing? What? What for?" Questioned Harry, rubbing his left hand through his hair and laughing with a gaze of confusion.
"Right- we've got this karaoke machine... and the hubby's refusing to sing on his own- and like... I ain't singing- well I might- it depends on how much of the wine I have!!" His giggles were contagious.
"Ooh! I'm from a place called Limerick by the way- Irish! My name's Trevor!" He invited us to shake his hand which we both took happily.
"I'm Liz." I greeted,
"Harry." He added.
"Oh great you're not even American! You two married?" He asked us,
"No!" We both laughed simultaneously, "we met yesterday."
"Oof I ship it already! C'mon over let's have some karaoke!" Invited Trevor, excitedly.
"I can't sing a note!" I assured him, refusing to stand up.
"What if I buy you a drink?" He chuckled. I took one glance at Harry who was laughing before I rolled my eyes and laughed.
"Oh whatever! You only live once!"
I took Harry's hand and gazed happily at him as we stood up and he followed me to the front of the carriage to where there was an open space. There was a television monitor that was displaying several different song options with different bands, Queen, Elvis Presley, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, ABBA....
"Well- any of these bands would be alright." I said as Trevor filled myself and Harry a glass of red wine.
"I bet you're a good singer." I murmured to Harry, grinning at him.
"Oh Christ it's been a while." He chuckled, "don't get your hopes up."
"Surprise me, Harry." I flirted jokingly, taking a sip of the wine before I heard the introduction to 'We Are The Champions' and giggled, handing the microphone to Harry.
"Go on hon." I encouraged him... that's before I heard his voice.
Trevor and his husband turned around immediately, our mouths dropping with shock at the tonality and timbre of his rich voice as he began the verse.
"Join in with me I feel exposed." He laughed, as my eyes blinked wide open. I wanted to draw him. I wanted to draw him with the microphone in his hands... but no. I won't be an outcast. I won't watch from the wings.
Before I knew it, my untouched voice was singing the chorus along with Harry and the others that had joined in on this session.
I have no idea if I can sing or not, but nothing could have ruined that moment, the pure bliss that I felt. We sang so many songs that night, we drank so much wine.
For the first time in a very very long time, I felt completely and utterly happy. Joy just radiated from the whole train, it was as if there wasn't a speck of negativity in the world, and no illness could shadow the euphoria I felt that night.
The evening ended with about twenty people gathered round the karaoke machine, singing 'Too Much Love Will Kill You' with glasses of wine in our hands.
I was sitting with my legs crossed on a bench against the window to the sunset upon the snowy landscape with Harry beside me singing his heart out. I couldn't get over his voice.
He constantly made eye contact with me as he sang, till the end of the song came and we finished together, making him smile at me.
I don't know whether it was the alcohol, or the fact that his voice brought goosebumps to my skin. Perhaps it's because in my whole life I've never kissed anyone, I've never felt a connection, I've never loved someone and trusted someone fully.
Do I love him?
Is this love?
For one moment... could it be?
The chants of 'kiss! Kiss! Kiss!' began as he continued to gaze at me. But all the sounds were blurred.
But he's got a girlfriend.. he loves her.
"Fuck it.." I heard him chuckle to himself before he gently stroked my cheek, making my mouth open suddenly in surprise as my hazel eyes met his emerald gaze.
The second his lips pressed against mine I felt my eyes well up with tears as I closed them and felt his eyelashes brush against my cheek.
You've made my life.. I wanted to say, I think I love you... I think I love you.
But even when the kiss was over and laughed about, all I wanted to do was to say Thank You.
If I couldn't have quantity I wanted quality.
Thank you for being the quality.