A Train To Chicago

Liz's Memory

Harry's drawing meant that I only had two pages left in my sketchbook. I'd always assumed that by finishing that book I'd be at the end of my life.
"My mum bought this for me on my nineteenth birthday." I told him, looking at the rather scruffy-looking red sketchbook. "I reckon there's some pretty dark shit at the start of this."
I contemplated opening it, but then again... what had I to lose? The satisfaction of finishing it? I'd finish it soon...
then the moment just hit me.
I opened the first page, feeling the shock of Harry opposite me as he turned to look.
And there she was... I'd almost forgotten what my mother's face looked like. Her unmistakable beauty... she was smiling. She looked so happy.
As tears subsided in my eyes, I flicked through the next few photographs.
Rough sketches of the horses we saw from a holiday in the south of France. Sketches of the ocean... of my mother reading a book on the beach.
Next came the drawings I had scribbled all over. I remember this time. As a method of meditation I tried to sketch to get over my grief of losing mum. But I just couldn't.
Gradually the scribbles lessened and there were sketches of young children with eyes of pure innocence and fear. I guess that's how I felt at the time. I felt like a lost child moving far from my home, with no one to take care of me.
Self portraits came next, I always sketched myself uglier than I actually was. My under eyes were as heavy as I could press down without the lead penetrating the paper. I found it fascinating to see how I viewed myself, and quite shocking to see the detail of the veins and blood I executed.
It may have been a sketchbook, not a novel, but it seemed that it had chapters too.
"We will be arriving at Chicago Central Station in two minutes." Announced the automated speaker, I immediately lifted my head and made eye contact with Harry.
"I'll remember you." He told me, as everyone began to stand up and queue beside the doors. Our world was silent.
"I'll remember you too." I told him, flicking briefly to another page on my notebook of his face.
I closed the book and placed it in my bag, zipping it closed and pulling it over my shoulder.

Looking carefully at Harry's emerald eyes, I could tell he was stressed... but not about catching his next train, nor about the busyness of the carriage.
He turned away from me and pulled out the engagement ring from the pocket of his long black coat. I was able to see that countenance of pure indecisiveness...
"Don't have second thoughts." I told him, placing a hand on his shoulder as he turned to face me and took my hands.
"I lo-"
"We have arrived at Chicago Central Station." Announced the speakers as the train came to a halt and the doors opened.
I noticed that the train heading to New York was on the track adjacent in this huge station.
"Take care of yourself." I told him as his hands remained in mine. "Your daughter will be everything you've ever wished for and she'll make you so happy."
Harry was speechless as he continued to stare transfixed into my eyes as hundreds of passengers ran by us, it was as if we were the only two here.
"Marry her, Harry. You love her." I ordered him before pressing my hands to his face and kissing his cheek.
"There's the train to New York, get on it." I told him, pointing to the busy looking train beside us.
"Thank you, Liz." He told me as we walked off the train into the snow.
"Thank you, Harry." I Replied, smiling at him with flushed cheeks from the cold air.
I think I felt tears subsiding as he took a step away from me towards the train, I hadn't expected to cry at this, but nevertheless, I was losing the closest thing to a friend I'd ever made.
"Will you be okay?" He asked me, the snow falling onto his soft brown hair.
"I'll be just fine." I replied, giving my biggest smile at him while I saw his eyes begin to water as he tried to look away, but he just shook his head before wrapping his arms around me and immersing me in the warmest embrace.
"I love you, Elizabeth." He whispered, holding me tightly as tears tensed in my irises.
"I love you too." I murmured, my face in his large black coat, I smelt his soft cologne from his neck and treasured the warmth of his body.
"Merry Christmas." I said, putting my hands on my pockets as we split apart and smiled sadly at each other.
"Merry Christmas." He echoed, giving an awkward wave of the hand before looking to the train to New York and sighing before he stepped onto it, never to set his eyes on me again.

As his train left the station I sighed and looked down to my handbag, taking a glance at the red sketchbook that was inside of it and knowing that what I had just witnessed was the last page. Nothing would ever compare to these few days I've spent with him.

I wished only the best for him, I hoped that he and Sophie could grow a healthy and successful family. I just hoped that he'd be happy in the end.
Yes, of course I wished that I'd turn around and he'd run back off that train and be with me instead.  But I knew that if he remained with me the only thing I'd feel was complete guilt. He should be with Sophie and his forthcoming daughter, and he will move back to his home town and won't think of me again.
That's the way it will be.
All of a sudden I was finding it quite difficult to breathe, my lungs felt tight as I reached for a tissue to blot the blood that I was coughing up.
I sat down on a bench and took out my sketchbook, seeing the childish drawing that Harry had drawn and breaking into a smile before peering down at his signature in the left hand corner that clearly said, 'Harry Arnoll'.
I recognised that name from somewhere... just where from...
As I looked out at Harry's train leaving in the distance I began to laugh.
"Oh Harry..." I sighed, unable to disguise my grin albeit my eyes were watering and my lungs were defying me.
"Thank you."
At that, I stood up, taking a cigarette from my jacket pocket and illuminating it while I walked out into the snowy city at night, blowing out the tarry smoke and gazing up at the deep sky.
If this is my last day, I think I'll be okay. I thought, smiling to myself as I wandered lost between the streets of Chicago. Yes... I think I'll be just fine.

The End