rocky road || muke

four

i just kept tossing and turning that night of.. the kiss.

with a boy.

i, luke hemmings, a seventeen year old boy who had never, ever, ever even imagined being gay, kissed a boy.

well, the boy kissed me, but i kissed back.

and the boy's lips were soft.

and the kiss was hard.

and the boy was an asshole.

god dammit, the boy was an asshole. how did he just walk away like that? like it was just a joke to him?

because it didn't feel anything like a joke to me. everytime i thought of his name, my stomach felt like it was doing flips.

but he acted like the kiss was nothing. and it probably was nothing, but it was making me think back to every girl i've ever kissed. and that one time in the back of calum's car with a girl named maddie.

michael clifford, one of the coolest guys i have ever met, kissed me. me. i felt like a teenage girl, except i couldn't call my friend and squeal to her about it. how would calum respond when-if-I told him? i'd like to think he would be accepting, but what if he felt weird about our friendship?

i couldn't tell him.

but he would find out if michael and i ever became a thing.

which we wouldn't because michael was just messing around with me..

or at least that's what i tried to tell myself to get to sleep.

and it worked. but it started working at 6am.

so i had to drag myself out of bed after having thirty minutes of sleep. i fell asleep at 3am a lot because i would procrastinate all my work and then have to stay up all night to write my essay that was due that day, but this was different. i was up all night questioning my sexuality and thinking about michael.

calum drove up to my house at about 7:30am. he impatiently beeped, but i didn't have the energy to throw my backpack over my shoulder and run out. by the time i got into his car, he groaned and quickly started driving. he kept flashing quick glances at me, and it was obvious that he noticed there was something wrong. one of my favorite songs was on the radio and i was barely acknowledging it.

"dude, you look awful." calum said, taking a sharp turn into a parking space in the school lot. his driving definitely took a lot of getting used to.

"wow, thanks!" i sarcastically exclaimed, making him give me a 'you know what i mean' look.

"did you sleep?" when i nodded, he chuckled. "for more than an hour?"

"no.." i admitted.

"why?" he asked as we both got out of the car. i shrugged and we began walking to our lockers. "oh my god, do you have a crush? you're blushing."

"what?! no, i don-" i began saying when i caught eyes with him. "i'll talk to you later, okay, cal? i have to.. i have to talk to michael about my, uh, hours." i quickly said, patting him on the shoulder.

i walked up to michael, my heart beating fast even though i felt like i was about to fall over from exhaustion. luckily he was only with ashton.

"michael, we need to talk." i blurted out.

"about what?" he smirked, biting his lip.

i wanted to slam him against the lockers and make out with him.

i tightened my grip on the strap of my backpack that hung on my right shoulder.

"ugh, i'll catch up with you in a few, okay?" michael said to ashton. ashton nodded before walking past me, purposefully hitting me with his shoulder. michael turned to what i guessed was his locker and started pulling out a few books. "so?" he didn't look at me as he fiddled with the order of all of his textbooks.

"i'm really..." i said, but realized i was speaking kind of loud and there were many people around. i leaned against the locker next to michael's and his green eyes met mine. "i'm.. confused." i whispered.

"really?!" he yelled under his breath. "wait, did i like, turn you gay?" he laughed, slamming his locker shut. he turned and started to walk, but i pulled myself off of the wall of lockers and slightly jogged to reach him again.

"is that all you're going to say?"

"no. i'm actually thinking of saying and doing many things to you right now but class is gonna start in like five minutes." he groaned, and i did the same when i realized i still needed to go to my locker. he turned to face me and squinted. "oh my god. were you thinking about it all night or something? you look dead."

and with that, he walked into his classroom that was conveniently placed so close to his locker.

lucky him.

i really didn't know what i expected to get from talking to michael. did i think he was going to say something like "actually, luke, i love you. let's be gay together!"? did i even want him to?

i sighed. was michael serious about anything besides ice cream?

***

THIS CHAPTER IS REALLY SHORT IM SORRY

but im gonna be moving in a couple days and i just wanted to get something up because i havent updated this in forever!!

staying with my grandma has been a nightmare omg

i should probably start packing my clothes and stuFF !

love you guysss