Spade

Where There's Light There's Dark

He was gone by the morning light. Almost like nothing happened like he didn't exist. Headaches. You know, the ones you get when you haven't drink your morning coffee, or like if someone's having a serious fight up there, banging against your head with a hammer. I had those. Well, I had it coming, I drank a lot and probably imagined myself with a guy I saw in the bar. No, my pillow begged to differ. His scent being glued on it like the pillow belonged to him. It was very real but still, he was gone and I wasn't sure if I would see him again.

All I could remember was the voice in my head begging me to trust it. He told me he was protecting me. Trying to coax me. I would be the first one to jump into the conversation and shout "YOU ARE FUCKING STUPID!!!" if someone told these thoughts of mine out loud. Trusting someone you don't know? I mean, I am usually skeptic towards these types of things. You never know for sure. Hell, his name might not even be Alastair and I wouldn't have a clue.

As comfortable as the bed seemed, a full day waited for me. That damned school again and I probably will be drowned in questions by Mara and Jamie, about Alastair... His name stuck in my throat like a lump. Where was he? Where did he come from? Most importantly, who was he? I dressed up and went downstairs for a coffee. As the kettle beeped my phone rang. It's Mara. Shit. I'm late. No, no, not 5 minutes late. I COMPLETELY missed the first half of the classes. I mean, fuck school at this point right? Nope, not for me. I'm already at the edge of being in trouble by those drawings. Fuck coffee. Gotta run.

I answered the phone and ran outside.

"Dude, where the hell are you?" Mara shouted.

"On my way. Fuck. My head is killing me."

"Are you hungover?"

"Yup. Very much."

"I'll fetch you a coffee but you better run or you won't be able to drink it before the next period."

" 'Kay thanks. See you there."

"I hope so." she hung up.

I made it to school out of breath. Mara was at the entrance with a coffee cup in her hand. I lit a cigarette once I arrived.

"So, you're gonna tell me about that guy in the bar."

"I knew you were gonna ask." I took the coffee from her hand and took a sip. "His name is Alastair. We just had a talk. Too drunk to remember what."

Lying felt awkward. I may have been too drunk but I remember every detail. His voice, how his skin felt, the way he comforted me.

"You don't seem like the type that forgets the night once they drink. " she smiled.
"You're right, but this time it was different." I needed to keep this lie going.

"You're lying. I can tell." she looked disappointed.

I sighed. There was this feeling in my chest that felt heavy, took away my ability to breathe. 'Mara can be trusted.' but I couldn't bring myself to do that. There was this feeling inside me, telling me not to trust her, to keep my mouth shut. My body shook, hands sweaty, heart heavy. What am I supposed to do now you bitch? You are the one in my head, controlling my life. You want me to trust you? Take these feelings away!

It hit me. Time stopped. I could hear my breathing and my heartbeat in harmony.
"You want this to stop?"
That man... The one in my dreams, the one in my blackouts.
"Why are you here? Did I have another blackout?"
"No. You're perfectly awake as you can see. You called me here."
"What are you?"
"I go by many names. I believe you know some of them, but that's not why I'm here. You don't trust your friend and want me to take care of it. I'm not your mother Eve. Don't call on me for stupid shit like this."
"Are you my guardian angel?"
"Hahahahaha no. That was a good one though. You got me."
He flicked his long slender fingers and snapped me back to reality.