Volume X: The Industry of Chemical Artistry - or - The Age of Rockism

3. Never Means Maybe

Night. Same day, it continued on. They keep going, you know? Everything’s square and I’m up and around, changing for tonight’s gig. Tonight, downstairs, at the bar, for all to see. The band’s going to try out a new song or two - see how things go over. If they don’t get too trashed too soon, they should be able to pull it off. I think about the rest of the day, finding I don’t remember it; I give up and continue dressing. It’s not a big show, but it’s kind of important. Then again, every show’s kind of important. I look around another half a dozen times before deciding if I’m ready to go. Hmm.

Pocket inventory includes half a dozen spare guitar picks, cigarettes, a few lighters, and film stashed everywhere. Camera in hand, I slam the door and continue downstairs. My pack of cigarettes is the most chaotic thing on me. Being some of the guys have preferences, I have a pack comprised of Marlboros, Camels, Parliaments and Newports. I don’t really give a damn, but a few of them are that obsessive. It’s a smoke, cancer in a stick, boys, get over it, but whatever, I keep going anyway. I have an arrangement with the guy at the photo center, hence why we work in film instead of digital. The terms of the arrangement are an entirely separate rant and I really don’t have time for it now. I’m late.

I get downstairs, say hello to the few people that I care to notice, and sneak in the back. As much as I love shows, I don’t feel like dealing with the people tonight. I’ll dance and be friendly when necessary, but I just want to get the job done and get back to sleep. I catch the eye of a few of the guys, nodding to them as I slip in. I light up a smoke in the back of the room, losing myself early on in the cloud, losing the crowd. This is another night in a series of nights. This is just another show. Just another world. You’d have to be there.

The room is covered in shades of red and blue, mingling with the black that shrouds faces and bodies. We’re all a mass, here together. There are tables out there somewhere, in the foreign regions near the bar. There’s people sitting, eating dinner, enjoying their evening. And then there are the rockers, the moving mass in front of me, anxious, waiting for anything. The band’s still setting up, I’m not all that worried about picking a good place to take pictures from. Just for kicks though, I guess I should introduce the boys. Hmm, maybe.

They’re not all important, but right now, we’ll introduce you to the front man, the lead - we call him Red. I don’t remember his real name, if he ever told it to me. I’m sure I drugged it away ages ago. But that’s just what we called him. He was the worst mistake in my life; then again, I might’ve been the worst mistake in his. I winked at him when I crept in, he could only scowl at me. I recognized that disapproving head shake from earlier this morning. He was still pissed off. Maybe he had good reason to be. For now, he’s the only one that really matters. Just for the record though, he’s not had a steady girl since me. I was the best that fucker ever had. And ever will have. He just doesn’t know it yet.

The rest of the guys are important, I just don’t feel like doing that much thinking now. I’ve dealt with them all in one way or another and could write books about them all. I’ve played meet and greet with most everybody’s parents and I’ve sold the stories that needed to be sold. They had their fuck puppets, as I had mine, but it didn’t matter either which way. This was a family now. Everything that happened before this point is insignificant. But we hold grudges anyway now, don’t we?

They go through sound checks, after wires have been plugged in, volume adjusted. The boys would hit a few notes here and there, making sure everything sounded right. When everything was clear and ready to go, the crowded noise of the place dropped as they started to play. And it wasn’t that the noise stopped. It was just...lost to the cause. The cause being rock and this was bigger than any of us and we all got swept up in the motions.