Volume X: The Industry of Chemical Artistry - or - The Age of Rockism

7. Sauntering Downwards

New day.

Eh, scratch that. New week.

Everything’s cooled down for the most part. Everything is back on track. And I’m back at the shows, Riley at my side. Her and I had a nice long talk after everything happened with big brother. She had to be on her best behavior. Or else.

Lesson of the day: Don’t ever say “or else”, no matter what. It only leads to more trouble.

Trust me.

So things stabilized. Dad died in the middle of the fiasco. The major nail in the coffin. We dealt with it. Moved on.

I guess I should slow the downward spiral for a minute, put things into perspective. Give good reason for why I’m here. You can’t appreciate the present without some vague knowledge of the past. The point of moving forward is to get away from where you’ve been. Bottom line - case and point.

It’s not a pleasant fiction. I tried long and hard to drug the majority of it away. I failed. That’s the basic summary of my life story, right there. Miss it?

Failure.

One day, many breakdowns ago, I lived at home with my wonderful family. I tried to talk sense into my siblings when Dad started smacking people around. They ignored my warnings. So I left. Packed a suitcase, took my guitar, and went.

Things really are that simple if you try hard enough.

When you’ve got nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose.

I left everything behind, moved away. I had gotten mixed up with gangs and drugs; I tried to pull myself away. I went to another part of town. To escape domestic violence.

But it followed me into Avoidance.

Robbing me of my salvation. But I survived round two.

And here I am.

Back, better than ever, right? Prove it.

It’s not all that hard to reinvent yourself. The most important aspect is the actual drive that keeps you going. Without that, you’re going nowhere. Except in a circle. Without focus, without drive, there’s no way out of the cycle.

My method of repairing my destroyed life? Move. Change location. If that failed, resort to chemical influence. That never failed. There was no need for a last resort.

Stability can only last so long; I’m kind of leery of it myself. Can’t trust things that don’t change. Every spinning plate falters, falls - ultimately shatters. Ultimately.

My plate’s pretty cracked up, but it’s still spinning. Barely.

Even if you’re barely breathing, you’re still alive.

I seem to have a slight knack for survival. Here’s a few hints:

- Get rid of morals and convictions; they only get in the way.

- Always prepare for the worst.

- Run. Fast.

If I forgot anything, I’ll try to include it later. I’m prone to forgetting.

I ran away from my past. And it’s still chasing me.

You can only run for so long, so far, before it catches up to you.

It was catching up to me. Or maybe, just maybe, I was tired of running.

Pay the piper, move on with life, right? The thing about destroying demons is that they don’t want to die. And even if they do, how do you fight phantoms? I could bury the past over and over again. I could bury the memories with the bodies of the lost. But somehow, everything stays. Everything.